It can be mind-baffling when you research the differences between male and females and thinking about marriage and how it is supposed to work right when men and women are so different in so many ways. Women are wired one way, men are wired another. Yet most women expect men to be wired like women, and when men don’t act like us, we get upset. So many issues stem from us thinking our men think like us!
Becoming What I am Not
I can see that in my marriage, the Lord is doing the same thing as in my spiritual life—- he is changing me into what I am not naturally in myself. Naturally, as a woman, I am wired to basically talk a lot, share emotions, nurture, and be affectionate and loving. But as a woman, I am also inclined to be controlling.
Now, these things might be ok when relating to another woman and children, but they don’t really work with a man.
In order to communicate and relate to my husband effectively, I need to learn to be what I am not naturally!
It is the same in my spirit-union with Christ. I am being conformed to the image of Christ by His Spirit, and becoming what I can never be naturally! The unsearchable wisdom of God in this!!!!
What kind of wife does he need?
- one who does not tell him what to do!
- one who accepts him as he is right now!
- one who is peaceful
- one who is willing to submit to his leadership
- one who gives him space (to make his own choices about how he lives, spends his time, etc.)
- one who gives up control and trusts in God above all
- one who is quiet (if he is not a big talker)
- one who is satisfied with Christ and not idolizing him/the marriage
- one who supports him in his life/choices (unless it is sin)
- one who is not argumentative
- one who is surrendered to the Lordship of Christ
- one who has no expectations of him
God is using my marriage to change ME! And in order for my marriage to work, I have to be surrendered to the Lord’s design for marriage. I can’t expect my husband to think/act like I would. So often, that is where trouble starts, when I assumed my husband was thinking like me, or was going to act how I would in a situation. He is baffled by this. He doesn’t understand how I could assume he would think/do what I would, and he often reminds me that I am assuming things and that I need to stop expecting him to think/be a certain way.
This is the same in my relationship with God through Christ Jesus. I can not assume God will work in a certain way, or that He will do what I think He will do. He is conforming me to Christ. He is emptying me of myself, in order that Christ might be increased and seen in me! I can’t have a relationship with Jesus Christ as Lord if I am focusing on what I want in life, what I want Him to do for me, and what I think needs to happen. In order for Christ to be Lord, I have to let go of what I want, think, and feel, and allow Christ’s will, ways, judgments, and desires become my own so that in all things, Christ is Lord!
In marriage, and in my union with Christ, if I am totally focused on what I think, what I want, what I feel, and what I desire—then I am setting myself up for trouble.
Husbands are the head of the wife, and Christ is the Head of His Church—— and when they are in their rightful place as over us in authority, then there will be an increase of Christ flowing from our own lives as we live in submission to Christ as Lord, and in submission to our husbands in marriage!