When in the heat of the conflict with our husbands—– or even after a conflict—- do we try to justify our own sin towards them that we have based off of their not having apologized for their own mistreatment of us?
“But, he owes me an apology!”
He owes me an apology so,
- I’m not speaking to him until he apologizes!
- I’m not going to smile or be kind to him until he apologizes!
- I’m going to stay busy cleaning and in my own hobbies until he apologizes!
- I’ll show him! I won’t make his lunch or dinner!
- I won’t submit to him!
- I won’t do him any “favors”!
- I’ll constantly bring up what he has done to hurt me to make him see!
- I will plan my life without him b/c he obviously doesn’t love me!
- I’ll huff and puff!
- I won’t forgive him until he apologizes!
- I will allow bitterness to seep in and totally destroy us!
- I will pour out my wrath on him!
- I will get revenge!
- I won’t have sex with him or be affectionate!
- I will have thoughts of separation and divorce!
- I will wish I didn’t marry him!
- I will mind all the things he did wrong and become even more bitter and resentful!
- I will have an attitude and show contempt towards him!
Have you ever found yourself in this position? Where you are so hurt, so bothered, and so bitter, that you feel you are actually justified in your own mistreatment towards your husband? I have!!!!
Sometimes it seems like there really is no other response other than the ones above!
But, The CROSS Comes In
When we are called by our Lord to lay aside all of our own rights, and to walk in His steps—-and to follow after the Spirit of God in us—the Spirit that is the Spirit of Love—-the Spirit of unity—– even when others treat us wrongly, this is the test of our own character—and the measure of Christ in us!
What if these times when we are wronged, the Lord is wanting to increase His own Spirit in us—and conform and mold us more into His likeness? What if he is teaching us the let go of our own personal self interest and rights—in order that we may gain more of Christ in us? And to show forth His Grace that He gives to us in these difficult times?
How great is the grace of God? He forbears with us—-and He does not despair over our failings—-He has grace on top of grace to give unto us—- that we might be conformed to His image—and shew forth the praises of His glory, and the riches of His grace!
And in our marriages—-what better ground is there to learn grace? the giving and receiving of grace? We will be mistreated—- But, we do not have to retaliate and we do not have to become bitter—-instead we can seek the Lord to use those times to grow more of Christ in us as our own self dies to its own screaming desire for that “rightful” apology!
“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:
But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:
And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:
That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth;
And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.
Do all things without murmurings and disputings:
That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world;
Holding forth the word of life; that I may rejoice in the day of Christ, that I have not run in vain, neither laboured in vain.” Phil 2:5-15
“For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:
Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:
Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:
Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.
For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.”
1 Peter 2:21-25