contentment day 29- when your husband doesn’t want to “talk”

contentment day 29- when your husband doesn’t want to “talk”

 

 

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In the Wilderness—I am learning some serious lessons about being a Satisfied Wife! Today, I’m going to share with you a lightbulb moment I had about wanting to “talk” all the time with my husband!

WHY DO WOMEN TALK SO MUCH?
In God’s infinite wisdom, he has created us as women to be much more verbal than men in the first place.

  • It is how we relate to other people.
  • It is how we show our interest and care for another person.
  • It is how we work through our own problems–by talking/writing them out.
  • It is how we process our thoughts and feelings–by talking/writing them out.
  • It is how we share intimacy with someone.
  • It is how we get to “know” someone.

So it’s really no wonder why we as women want to “talk” to our husbands—-it is how we relate to, communicate to, become intimate with, and get to know them!

  • We want to share our deepest thoughts and desires with them!
  • We want to share about our life and everything that we have to deal with on a daily basis!
  • We want to explain how we feel about them by talking to them!
  • We want to hear what they have to say, what they think about things!
  • We want to feel closer to them by mutual communication!
  • We want to ask a lot of questions to understand them better!
  • We want THEM to ask us questions about us so that we can share our heart with them!
  • We want to talk through problems and feelings in order to “get it off our chest”
  • We want to feel loved by our husband’s talking to us!
  • We want to feel “Connected” to them by talking all the time!!!!

OUR WORTH IS NOT IN WORDS

Sadly, in times past, I have relied on how much my husband “talks” to me to determine my worth as a person. I took how much he talked to me, and used it as a scale of how much he loved me. I equated how much he talked to me with how much we were “connected”.

Nevermind that my husband is an INTROVERT and a MAN, and doesn’t feel the need to have deep conversations 24/7 ๐Ÿ™‚

Even if my husband were the type to have deep conversations all the time, would it really determine how valuable I am to him? Or how much he loves/cares about me?

Of course NOT!

It sounds silly, doesn’t it???

BUT WE THINK THIS ALL THE TIME! (If you don’t have this problem, PRAISE GOD ๐Ÿ™‚

We think that if our husbands don’t WILLINGLY, JOYFULLY, and deliberately take the time to have deep, long, intimate conversations, then it must mean that they don’t care about us, our feelings, our needs, etc.

THE TRUTH

There is one thing the Bible has to say about all this——- It says that we are to cast all our care upon Him (Christ), because HE cares for us!

The Bible doesn’t say that we are to cast all our care upon our husbands.

It doesn’t say that we are to have long, deep conversations with our spouses.

It does say that when we speak, let it be to the exhorting and admonishing and building up of one another in Christ.

And of course, I’m not trying to say that we should never have conversations with our husbands. But I am saying that maybe we should evaluate our desire to have this type of thing with our husband, and if we are getting upset/hurt/resentful/bitter when our husbands DON’T talk to us for hours at a time about everything.

If I am getting upset and bitter at my husband because he doesn’t feel the need to talk to me all night long, then that shows that I have a heart issue. My husband can’t MAKE me feel like that. He is a grown adult, and he can choose to do what he wants. I can’t force him to talk to me for hours. I can’t make him desire long conversations.
Even If my husband talks to me for hours and hours, it still will never be the source of my life and satisfaction. That is only found in CHRIST!

The truth is that Christ Jesus shed His own blood and died on the cross to pay for our sins, and by doing that showed the Love of God toward the whole world. (John 3:16)

Our worth does not come from:

  • how much our husbands talk to us
  • how much they show physical affection
  • how much attention they give us
  • how much money they spend on us
  • the amount of texts/emails they send us or respond to
  • Our worth is found only in what God through Christ has done for us who believe! It is found in being chosen and elected to be adopted as a child of God through faith, and having been born again of the Spirit of God.

TAKE IT TO THE LORD

Truly, the Lord already knows what is on our hearts and minds, and He even invites us to share all with Him, and to cast every care we have onto His shoulders, for He is able to carry the burden! He’s always there ๐Ÿ™‚ He will never leave you.

Instead of getting upset and bitter at our husband’s own choices and personality traits, we can be thankful and appreciate their differentness! They are MEN! They are not driven by feelings and they are not usually bound to talking for hours in order to sort through issues and feelings.

I hear from my husband the words “I’m listening” a lot! And now, I BELIEVE HIM! Introverts are generally good listeners/observers. They don’t talk much, but they sure pay attention to everything being said and going on.
And even though my husband would probably listen to me if I needed to “talk”, I have been blessed to see that I really don’t need to talk to my husband the way I thought I did in order to be “close” to him and to know him.

WHAT FREEDOM!!ย 

I am free from the lie, and I am at peace, knowing that my husband loves me whether we talk all the time or not! And I am free to bring all of my heart to the Lord and share everything with Him, that He may have the number one spot in my life, always!

*******I believe that husbands have a responsibility TO their wives to connect with them emotionally. However, I believe that we can NOT make our husbands do this. If we have shared with them already that we enjoy talking to them and feel closer to them when we talk intimately, and they still decide they are not into that—then we can not force anything upon them. We can only change OUR mind/attitude about it, and be thankful anyways, and seek the connection with the Lord, other girlfriends/family members.

And what I just love about this is that my sister in Christ, April, from over at www.peacefulwife.com pointed out when she was going through her beginning stages of her journey to becoming the peaceful wife, her husband was very shut down and she had no where to turn EXCEPT Christ. And now, after having accepted this, she now sees what a blessing it is to have an introverted husband because it has forced her to CLING only to CHRIST, and to depend on Him and bring all of her cares to Him in prayer!

She shared with me that,
“He is talking MUCH, MUCH more with me than he did when I was so disrespectful. But it is not to the level that I would naturally gravitate towards if it were entirely up to me. I would be happy with talking practically nonstop โ€“ especially about deep theological issues. But now I am fine with the fact that Greg has a different personality and that he needs time to himself to recharge. I know now that I need some space, too โ€“ which I didnโ€™t know earlier in my life. I need time with God. I need time to do ministry. I need time to listen to sermons and books and to do chores. I need downtime, too, and have become more introverted in the past 7.5 years than I ever was before, I would say. I savor my time alone now, but also know that we love each other deeply. “

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