***Note–This post is not addressed to wives out there who might be home all day NOT by choice or who are being treated wrongly and possibly abused by their husbands who are controlling to the point where they are not allowed to leave home. If you are in this situation I pray you will please seek appropriate help safely for you and your children if necessary.
“So it is with the heart: when the heart of a man has nothing to do, but to be busy about creature comforts, every little thing troubles him; but when the heart is taken up with the weighty things of eternity, with the great things of eternal life, the things of here below that disquieted it before are things now of no consequence to him in comparison with the other–-how things fall out here is not much regarded by him, if the one thing that is necessary is provided for.”
I am sure that if I asked any wife if she would like to go spend 3 weeks in a distant place, where she knew no one except her husband, had no vehicle and had to stay home all day while her husband worked, and had no internet/television and only books to read and a cell phone and a bicycle———she would PROBABLY pass 🙂
That’s ok, I would have passed it up too if it were only a year or two ago. Going out in the middle of no where would probably not be appealing to anyone these days. Most people might think it would be hard to be content in a situation like that. As a matter of fact, my husband was very skeptical about me going away for that very reason—he was worried that I was going to become discontent and blaming it all on him. HA! He was wrong, thanks to the Lord!
Even so, I’ve had plenty of practice of being home alone ever since I got married.
Before I was married, I hated being home. On my ONE day off, I would go off to a nearby city and spend the day visiting friends/family and going to homegroups for fellowship.
The reasons I couldn’t stand to be home alone for long periods of time included:
- fear of facing the fact that I was indeed alone
- boredom because I believed I had to be busy to be happy
- feeling discontent because I had nothing to do and no one to see
- feeling “lame” for not having a “life”
- having to occupy my son all day alone
But mostly, I just wanted to avoid loneliness and feeling like I had no one in the world. I wanted to keep busy in order to keep my mind off of my loneliness.
Isn’t that we do? We try to stay busy in life in order that we don’t have to deal with our problems and heart issues. Instead we try to cover them up with productivity and pretend everything is fine, when really it isn’t.
WHY DO WE FEAR LONELINESS?
The fact is, I wasn’t really alone. I had my toddler with me all the time. Or I was at work around lots of people. Or at fellowship with my church family. But at the end of the day, I still was “alone”.
Why are we so afraid of this???
- we think it means we aren’t loved
- we feel abandoned in the world
- we feel like no one cares about us
- we feel like we aren’t good enough for someone to spend time with us
- we feel unwanted/rejected
- we think we can’t be satisfied and content while being alone
It was especially hard for me to adjust to after I got married. At the time, I felt the Lord leading me to become a stay at home wife/mother, and I was truly excited about it! I would finally be living out my dream! It was a miracle!!!!!!
I went from NEVER being home to home every single day all day with my son in a new town with no friends. I atleast had a vehicle and my brother lived in the same town I moved to. I joined a homegroup and tried to get my “life” going again.
But this time—-I was married. And I wasn’t quite understanding to the fact that my husband worked all day long and he’s an introvert and he’s not really into going out and about.
Only a few short months went by, and the next thing I knew, we were moving to his hometown 1300 miles away! Now the heat got turned up! Not only that, my son went to see his father for the summer, so I was alone alone for the first time in my life!
How did I take it?
Not well. I was extremely discontented. I realize looking back that I was so miserable because of all the unknown idolatry and sin going on in my heart. I was expecting my husband to entertain me. I was expecting to find satisfaction in making my own “life” again. I was desperate for human interaction. I was desperate for something, anything, to distract my mind from the inevitable heart analysis.
When we ended up moving again, I didn’t know it then, but I see now it was my true beginning in training to be content in any situation! Praise God!
After 2.5 years of being home and sometimes alone for a lot of days while my son was in school and my husband was at work—– The Lord has grown my heart to love this! I am like a baby in its mother’s lap—I have all I need right there at home. I have the one thing necessary—-Jesus <3
By the grace of God, I am no longer desperate:
- for someone to entertain me
- to be out and about
- to have a “life” outside my home
- to cover my heart analysis with busyness
- to occupy myself to the point where I get absolutely no rest
If you are a wife/mom that is feeling like you would rather be at work then at home with your toddler, or like you would rather be at a friends house than at your own home, or if you feel you need to keep busy in order to avoid loneliness or feeling discontent——let me just offer some questions to ask and evaluate what really might be going on here:
- Do I need to be busy in order to be content?
- Do I need to have playdates/nights out in order to feel ok?
- If all I had was Christ in my heart, and NOTHING else, would I be ok?
- Do I feel that I need to have a social or outside “life” in order to be content?
- Do I feel like I need to be around other people in order to be ok?
It is definitely not an easy thing when we address what is really in our hearts…but it is necessary for growth and freedom in Christ!
Paul said that he learned to be content in EVERY situation…..and that same thing is available for us to learn too.
There are so many blessings in being able to enjoy times of solitude. Having internet and music and the comfort of your own home is certainly a means to PRAISE GOD! It can be tough with little ones around for sure, but even so, what joy that you get to be home and raise your own child, while your husband provides for the family!
And even if you are NOT a home-body or housewife/mom—–there may be times when you could use a little time alone to recharge and seek God! It is healthy to spend time alone to do the things you enjoy doing, and for taking care of yourself!
“He that dwelleth in the Secret Place of the Most High shall abide in the shadow of the Almighty” Psalm 91
The ONLY reason we can be content in any situation—including weeks of solitude in a “wilderness” —–is because of Christ’s presence in our hearts!
When the Spirit of God is filling our spirit—-we truly have all we need.
- We have peace and joy in any situation.
- We have self-control and patience through the time.
- We are able to keep our eyes and minds on Christ!
Some might say–what about if you literally have NOTHING? Not even food.
It’s hard to imagine that one could be content—-but the Bible says that the FRUIT of the Spirit is love,joy,peace,patience,kindness, etc…..that means that if we have the Spirit of God indwelling our spirit—then we have the means for true peace and joy within our own heart. NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING ON OUTSIDE OF US! This type of peace and joy does not come by having outward things to make up for what we don’t have or need.
It only comes by a living union in spirit with the Risen Lord!
Let us seek God with all our hearts each day to be filled with His Spirit, that we may bear fruit unto His Glory!!!!
P.s I am not saying that we don’t need interaction with other people….that is not true. Especially women—-we are built to interact and connect through talking and fellowshipping and spending time with other people. But what I am saying is that even MORE than this, we need time ALONE with GOD at His feet……. I have experienced the life-changing results of having this time, and I trust that any one who seeks this time with the Lord will find the same to be true!!! God Bless!