When God allows difficult things to come into our lives, it exposes what is truly at the center of our heart—-Christ or Self. This is what it looks like to truly repent when God allows hard things to come in and expose what is truly in our heart!
ALL GLORY BE TO GOD !!!!!!
HE GIVES SIGHT TO THE BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Heavenly Father,
I have been all wrong! And the loss of joy and life is no surprise to me now- I have put all kinds of things above Jesus in my heart once again- I’ve put pleasing my husband, expecting all kinds of unrealistic things, happiness, health-all above Jesus. I’m disgusted with it and I confess it and PRAISE YOU FATHER for not allowing me to go on in this sin for long!! It is the fastest way to death I know! Glory Hallelujah!
You have exercised me in discipline and your hand has uncovered this hidden filth! I thought I was fine- all good- until your hand came upon my health– the rivers of gross mud came flooding out! And worse, I turned on my husband because I was idolizing him and his love and it immediately failed to satisfy!!!
You will not allow me to be content/joyful in anything except your Son– and I do not deserve this love Lord- I constantly turn from you when you love me- the One thing I so desire you can provide, and yet I keep turning aside to check in to see if anything else will be sufficient- and when its not- you’re still there! Uncontrolling-unpushy-undemanding. You just let me go and wait for me! Lord-why do I want what I can never have from my husband?
I’ll tell you all my unrealistic expectations:
- for him to be happy
- for him to never sin against me
- to love me by holding me, and caring all about me
- for him to be home all the time
- for him to make me feel important
- for him to desire me
- for him to talk to me about everything all the time
- for himto make me feel whole!
Lord, I am coming to you with this never ending black hole in my heart and I’m praying that you fill it with youself and shine the glorious light of life in it, that I may set my whole heart on you alone!! You are the answer to all of my issues– you are the One that can change my life- and all I want is to grow in my love for you-to be more intimate with you! You know my every longing and you know my every need. I keep thinking I’ve been all for you and your will, and I’m only deceiving myself-I can’t fool you Lord.
Lord, I really don’t like when things don’t go my way– in fact, I’ve placed my own way above you and it’s ruining my life and relationship with you- and you say I’m not worthy of you if I do that! And why have I not learned by now that getting my way only makes me MISERABLE?? When I do get what I THINK I WANT SO BAD, it only leaves me empty and alone and mad!
But when my heart is set on you and I’m only looking to you and for you- I’m ironically at PEACE, and I’m so happy because you are satisfying my soul!!!
My husband can’t satisfy me- his love, his behavior, his feelings- nothing else except you Jesus! Thank you for your Blood – it alone can cleanse me- And your cross-Thank you for crucifying my old man and for choosing me– “Worthy of Love” Not because I did anything- but becasue you are God and you are Good! You are HOLY ,you are Love!! And you created me in Christ! Father- to bear fruit- to glorify your name- to be yours forever!! You will never leave me!! You are God alone! And in you is life and peace and joy!
You are too large- I can not comprehend you- you are not like us- You are Spirit. You are unlike me- you are GOD OF ALL! I have been foolish- unwise- rebellious! I have turned aside to an unfulfilling lie! And I’ve been unpleasant and I am sorry! I can not go on in this way! I look unto you Lord- for you can save me! You can do as you like- it is by your grace that I see what I’ve done- you did not do evil towards me- you did only good and you are justified in your dealings with me- you know I needed to see the idols in my heart and your LOVE was behind the sicknesses- for in a moment you made me better and it is nothing for you to do anything– at the risk of being accused or questioned you dealt hard with me- and I am at fault for ever questioning your love for me!
Thank you Lord for your faithfulness! I am offering my self to you and I’m praying that you will do what you must do to work in my heart to put to death all that is natural- so that I truly am set upon Jesus alone and that in Him I may find life!!
I keep losing sight and failing- I don’t wish to- I want to accept your will above mine Lord- I want to lay it all down- for real- and never have to turn from you again- that path is miserable-deadly- it is a black hole that never ends! But praise you Jesus -your arm is always long enough to catch me and pull me back up! Becaude I belong to the King of Kings and He alone can save me and keep me and hold me!
My heart is a wandering beast Lord! Unless I hold onto you for dear life- I will fall into the never ending hole everytime because my eyes are deceitful and my heart likes to follow after NOTHING and expects to be satisfied in BLACK NOTHINGNESS!
Thank you God for joining my spirit to Jesus’s spirit! I need you!!!!!! My mouth and heart are opened unto you Lord- fill me from the well that never runs dry! You fill me with all I need! Thank you!! I am simply at your feet- my eyes on you- please Lead me- let your spirit fill me up and take me into all truth- you are my only hope Jesus! Father I am sorry please don’t let me go or cast me away. I need you. Do as you wish for you are God alone. I surrender to you! In the name of Jesus, Amen