Control Issues

Control Issues



Women in general struggle with control issues in life. We can be controlling and not even realize it most times, because it is THAT built in to our very nature as women.

But here’s the thing—- when we are controlling, there are some things behind that control and need for control that if we looked at carefully, would point out the fact that we are not trusting in the Lord.

Behind Control

Behind all the ways in which we control as women are usually three things:

  1. Fear
  2. Self-protection
  3. Mistrust

FEAR—– If you really sat down and thought about why you did the things you do, there’s a good chance you will realize that, “you do X, because you are afraid of X”.


  • I monitor the bank account every hour because I am afraid of my husband spending too much money.
  • I am homeschooling my child because I am afraid he will get mixed up with the wrong crowd at school.
  • I am spying on my husband because I am afraid that he is cheating on me.
  • I am feeding my family healthy clean foods because I am scared they will get diseases if they don’t eat clean.

When we have control issues, we fear everything falling apart without us controlling it. We believe that we need to control X, otherwise it will fall apart. We think it is up to us to make things happen and turn out “right”. We want things a certain way, and we set off to make it that way, fearing the whole time. We don’t like NOT knowing what will happen. We want to be in charge, and make sure things are going right. When things are NOT in our control, we are afraid because we have come to lean on OURSELVES alone.

Self-Protection—– this is tied into the fear behind control as well. The reason we control is because we are trying to protect ourselves in some way or another. We don’t count on any one but our own selves, so we try to control everything in order to protect our own interests in any situation. The best example I can give to illustrate this point is this: being a passenger in a car instead of the driver. If you are afraid of being in the passenger seat, it is most likely because you are scared of the driver getting into a wreck, and you won’t be able to protect yourself. But since the passenger seat has no way of controlling anything, the only thing you can do is either fear or trust. When you fear, you are afraid of getting killed or injured in an accident, and you try to control the driver’s every move in order to protect yourself from getting into a car accident.

Self-protection is based off of the way we view life. We take steps mentally and physically to ensure our own self-protection when something traumatic happens. We put up walls around our hearts and lives and don’t let others in anymore. We shield ourselves from any hurt caused by another person. We decide that life is hard and the only way we can survive it is if we protect ourselves from it’s harshness. We become our own Lord and we let no one in. We decide that it is up to us to make life go the way it should go, and we stop at nothing to ensure our own safety and protection.

MISTRUST—- Behind fear and self-protection is mistrust for God. There is no fear in love. God did not give us a spirit of fear. Until we surrender ourselves under the Lordship of Jesus Christ—- we are our own lord and our own savior. Until our whole life— body, soul, spirit, heart, mind, marriage, kids, resources, ALL THINGS—- is submitted to Christ for Him to Rule and Reign over us—- we are our own savior and lord. When we take on the responsibility of our life turning out “right”, we are rejecting the sovereignty of God, and we are putting our selves up as God in our lives. We can’t trust in ourselves AND fully trust in God. We either trust God, or we trust our self.

Trusting God is scary at first when we are so used to “holding on” to everything and trying to control everything. It is not easy to say, “Lord—-I take my hands off—let YOUR will be done—I trust You!”. But this is the only thing that will free us from the grip of fear and self-protection.

When we are submitted to God—it doesn’t mean that life will be easy. But it does mean that GOD IS IN CONTROL—whether we think He is or not, He is in control 24/7, 365. And when we belong to Him, He is making a path for our feet, and He is guiding us along the way, even if it looks like a way we shouldn’t go. His ways are not our ways!


When we surrender to the Lordship of Christ—- we are deciding to lean not on our own understanding. This opens the way for the Lord to come in and guide us by His Spirit to that which will glorify His Name the most!

When we surrender, we find rest for our minds and hearts.

Realizing that we are not really in control is one of the most freeing things because then we no longer have to worry or try to make things happen or turn out right. We can TRUST in the Lord to work things out according to HIS purposes for HIS greatest Glory!

He knows all things—and all thing are HIS. We are but dust. A passing flower. And our God is a mighty God, and He is truly larger than we will ever know! He is worthy of ALL of our trust—– for He can NOT go wrong. His way is perfect and right and true. And He will guide you if you place ALL of your trust in Him.

He delights in those that put their trust in Him!

There will be times in our life where it looks as though things are totally out of control, and we are overwhelmed by fear. It is in these times that our faith is being tried the most—and it is in these times that we will learn inwardly that Jesus Christ truly is Lord—-over ALL things–even the most contradictory things. Faith isn’t real until it is tried in the fires.

In these desperate times, the very promises of God may seem to not even be helpful—because we are faced with utter impossibility—— and in these times, it is just the Cross being applied to our life—- and when the Cross is applied, room is made in our lives for the Lord Jesus to come in a new way—– if we submit ourselves under His Mighty Hand—– He will reveal Himself to our hearts in a new way—-and when we see Him—- our need will be more than met. It is seeing Christ that helps us get through every difficulty we face! He is the answer!



How God Has Used My Marriage To Bring Healing & Growth In Christ-Part 3

How God Has Used My Marriage To Bring Healing & Growth In Christ-Part 2

 How God Has Used My Marriage To Bring Healing & Growth In Christ-Part 1

Surrendering to His Will

Letting Go

ShareEmail this to someoneShare on FacebookPin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+

Comments are closed.
%d bloggers like this: