What is on my heart at this time is us as wives, and how the Lord wants us to live in our marriage relationship as a representation of Christ, and of His Church. How we can practically live out what the Lord has called us to, in order to bring Him the greatest Glory, and to shew forth Christ our Lord in and through our marriage relationship.
Like a lot of things, it is easier to see what is required by looking at what the problem and breakdown of something is. So first we will look at what happens when our marriage is NOT representing what it should, and we will be able to see where the issue lies when we are not practically representing our Lord in our marriages.
The Disruption Of Marriages
What accounts for the disruption and break down of all marriages is simply the “I”. The self-hood. The self with all it’s own interests, it’s own will, it’s own mind, it’s own desires, it’s own interests.
Any problem that is in marriage that causes strife, division, and break down can all be traced back to selfishness on the part of one or the other.
The “I” of one or the other, or both.
Specifically, on the side of us, as wives, this “I” particularly comes out when we try to usurp our husband’s authority and leadership in the marriage. In other words, when we try to take over all the decisions and control everything in the marriage/family.
If we take a closer look, we will see that when we as wives do this, we are imitating the enemy of God.
Of Satan, the Bible says:
“But you said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God, And I will sit on the mount of assembly In the recesses of the north.” Isaiah 14:13
In this verse, “I” is recorded 3 times. It is referring to Satan and his prideful desire to be like the Most High.
Now, let’s take what we know is true as to our calling as a wife in marriage. We are called to submit to our husband’s leadership, and respect him as our head. In this way, we are a living representation of the Church in it’s subjection and submission to Christ as Lord.
- When we are trying to control our marriage and family life, and trying to control all the decisions and trying to control our husbands and not giving him his place as our head and as our leader in marriage, who are we imitating?
- When our husband gives us a specific decision and we go our own way anyways, who are we imitating?
- When our husband makes his mind known to us, and we decide to go a different way than him, who are we imitating?
If we are a born again child of God, this is unacceptable! We have got to let go to our husbands, and submit to their authority as head if we are going to represent Christ in our marriage.
This ought to be a serious eye-opener to us!
God has set forth His Divine order in all creation, in all things, and even in the marriage relationship. The marriage relationship is a heavenly thing, a symbol of a heavenly thing which is Christ and the Church in it’s union as one. We are one with our Lord by His Spirit. We are one with our husbands in the flesh. We are joined to the Lord, we are joined to our husband. Our God has made Christ the pattern of all things in His created universe—and it is so in the marriage relationship.
We as wives are to live as letting our own life go, in order for our husband to be the head of us. To literally govern us as the head. No one wants to hear that, though. There are a lot of “scapegoat” things out there today even in the “Christian” community that promote the self and it’s “I” when things in marriage are not working out how the person wants it to.
I wonder how many wives would honestly submit to their husband if he told her to lie to a foreign king who would think she is pretty and want to take her to be his wife. (Story of Abraham and Sarah, Genesis 12 & 20).
Imagine being Sarah, being married to your half brother, and him being scared and trying to protect his OWN life, so he asks you to lie to whomever asks and say that he is your brother, not your husband, so that they don’t kill him. And then to go with the king of this other place, and be married to him if he wants you to marry him.
Can you imagine any wife today willingly saying their husband is their brother in order to spare their life and be taken as another man’s wife without totally freaking out, and asserting their rights in the situation?
Not only that, they would probably accuse the husband of definitely not caring about them or loving them.
I wonder how many wives today would honestly do what their husband told them to do in this situation like Sarah did for Abraham!
What Is Needed
In order for God’s purposes to be done in and through us in our marriages, the essential thing is for our husband to have his rightful place in the marriage as the head and as the leader. It is the same in our relationship with Christ—in order for the Divine Purposes to be done, it is essential that we are submitted to Christ as Lord by referring and deferring to the Holy Spirit within us in ALL things!
The question that it always comes down to is whether or not we have truly let go all things unto the Lord in order for HIS purposes to be accomplished.
If whether or not the Cross has truly been working in our souls and lives, in order for Christ to be more and more represented and seen in and through us for His glory.
That is the way to truly representing Christ. When we let go of our own rights, our own everything, all our interests for our life and marriage, then the Lord has an open way to work and grow His Divine nature in us, in order for everyone around us to see Christ in us, and not our self anymore.
When we assert our rights, our way, our wants, that is when we show our self with it’s “I”.
Examples Of Letting Him Have His Place
I want to be practical with all of this, and give real examples as to what we are seeing here.
So whether or not your husband is a believer or not, what will it look like to truly let go in order to give him his place as the head?
- Refraining from telling him what to do in his life and choices concerning everything that involves HIM (work, kids, food, hobbies, time, etc.)
- When he tells you to do something specific or gives you a specific answer for something, you choose to do that and not your own way or thing
- When you strongly disagree with him about a decision, you submit your way anyways, and accept his
- When he gives you a “no” answer to something you really wanted to do, you accept it as God’s will for you
- When he tells you to stop being overly protective of your child, you listen
- When he tells you to go to sleep because you are clearly tired, you go
- When he asks you to mind your own business about something, you do
- When he asks for a specific dinner, you make it
- When he tells you to stay away from X,Y,Z you listen
- When he tells you that you are being really selfish, you take it to the Lord and see if it is the Lord trying to speak to you about it
- When he decides to take a job, you support him and don’t try to change his mind or sway him in a certain direction
- You depend on him for all things (this is a true portrayal of our dependence on Christ for all things!)
Wife’s Biggest Issue With This
I know that the biggest issue when dealing with this, and really looking at this, is the way our husbands live, act, and treat us. When we think of what our marriage is supposed to represent, we all see how far from it we are. Maybe we want it to be the way God wants it, but our husband is just not there, or is just too selfish himself to even be close to representing Christ on his part.
And that is where we all are. We are all seeing what it should be, and we don’t understand why it is not working out the way it ought to.
To be straight and clear on this matter—you are right. It will never be the way it was intended to be until the Cross truly comes in our soul and our husband’s. Until the Cross is truly seen (with the eyes of our heart, opened by the Holy Spirit) and applied in us and our husbands, we will never be able to represent Christ and the Church in our marriage.
But the prospect is there! And it is the Lord’s will. So that means that the Lord has provided for everything in order for His will to be done in and through our marriages!
The question to our hearts must be: Are we will to let go of our own interests, and seek the Lord, and let go of all things, that the Lord will have an open way in us, to transform us from one humanity to another, in order to conform us to Christ, and work by His Spirit in our husband’s heart and lives in order to draw them to Himself?
We are called to be different than the world we live in. We are called to become the opposite of what we once were. We are called to let go of our old life with it’s “I”, and live according to the Holy Spirit within. We are called to glorify the Lord and honor His Name. If we are truly born again, we are obligated to surrender all things unto the Lord, and allow His purposes to govern us and prevail!
For All Practical Purposes
The God I see in the Word, our Lord Jesus—-is a God that does not fight back when He is reviled. He is a Man who submits completely to the Father, and does not for one second take His own life into consideration. His only consideration is the Father’s will in ALL things.
If you are married to a man who is completely selfish, unbelieving, prideful, rude, mean, controlling, or anything unpleasant—- then know this: GREATER IS HE THAT IS LIVING IN YOU THAN HE WHO IS LIVING IN THIS WORLD!
It is time to rise up in the Spirit of our God, and surrender ALL to the LORD, that His Spirit will take complete control of us, and that the Lord might be able to use us in order to draw ALL MEN, even an unbelieving and mean husband, to HIMSELF for HIS GLORY AND HIS PURPOSES!
You are being called to overcome in this situation, in order to find true rest, peace, and joy in the midst of that situation. And it is possible, more than possible!