There is an amazing difference between men and women in terms of how feelings are expressed, and therefore how love is received.
Expression of feelings
Women can best express their feelings VERBALLY, whereas men can best express their feelings through ACTION.
A woman can feel, talk and think all at the same time, whereas a man feels, then he has to do something in order to think about his feelings, and then talk about them. He can’t just feel something, talk about his feelings, and think about the situation and what to do all at the same time, like we can. He needs time to process his feelings by doing something. That is why when men are upset they may start pacing around or they might need to go work on a car or do something active in order to think about how they feel in order to put it into words.
Just knowing this alone should create in us a large amount of compassion for our husbands!
I’ve heard my husband say many times, “I don’t even know how to feel right now”, which proves that this is true that men have to actually think about how they feel in order to even express it in words!
I read about an interesting study on this topic where they used baby girls and baby boys to prove this point.
They had a mother stand outside of a room looking in through a glass window, and the baby in the room able to see her.
The study revealed that baby girls, once they saw the mom and felt distressed that she was not holding them, all consistently made eye contact with the mom and cried out to her. Boys, on the other hand, when they saw their mother and felt distressed because she was not holding him, all consistently crawled over to the mom and tried to climb up the glass to get to the mom!
The main point I want to share about this study is that:
Men put their feelings into action & women put their feelings into words!
This should be mind-changing for our marriages, ladies! 🙂
Men Receive Love Differently
We as women want to express our love and feelings for our husband by the way that we receive and feel love. And that is usually by a lot of talking, affectionate touch, etc. I’m sure it’s every girls dream to have a husband who takes her in his arms, looks her in the eye and says “I love you so much, you are so amazing!” and then gently strokes her face and hair and just holds her like he just can’t let her go because he just loves her so much! My husband actually did things like this before we got married, minus the words. He had me hooked, I felt SO loved and wanted when he did that stuff! But now that we are married, I get that type of love/affection once in a while. And I’ve had to let go of wanting that all the time and realize it is not reality. And that is ok! 🙂
The point is that, we often just naturally give love the way we want to receive and feel loved. But that is not going to work with our men, usually. What they need is totally different!
Our husbands are NOT going to feel most loved by:
- us saying to them all the time, “I love you!”
- us giving them hugs, holding their hand, gently stroking their faces
- us asking them “what’s wrong?” when they seem upset
- us telling them all the time how much they mean to us, etc.
- us cuddling with them all the time
Since men connect to their feelings through action, the way he is going to feel MOST LOVED by us is when we acknowledge and appreciate his ACTIONS!
In order for our husbands to feel loved, they need direct appreciation of their decisions and actions and forgiveness of their mistakes! When we accept him as he is and he is able to decide and act and be forgiven when he makes a mistake, he will thrive off of the love he feels from this acknowledgement and appreciation!
This makes TOTAL SENSE!
See God’s Wisdom in making men and women different!!!!
Men ACT and women TALK.
Our husbands SHOW LOVE BY THEIR ACTIONS and then we as wives are to SHOW LOVE TO THEM BY OUR WORDS OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND APPRECIATION FOR HIS ACTIONS!
His actions, Our words!
THIS JUST HAPPENED!
Literally, as I write this, my husband just came home from the store, and surprised me with a new candle! (HIS ACTION!)
And I smiled and said, “THANK YOU!!!! You always know what to get!” (MY WORDS!)
I feel loved because I know now that his way of expressing his love for me is in doing things for me, like buying me a candle for no reason, and I know he feels loved by me because I acknowledged his action and appreciated it and expressed that by my words!
Men thrive on feeling successful in making us happy! When we are thankful, appreciative, and joyful when he does something for us, to him, that feels loving!
Tomorrow, I will continue exploring this topic, and see what ways our husbands show us love that we often miss, and therefore do not acknowledge and appreciate, which means they are not feeling loved by us! 🙂