There comes a point where we have to realize that, the choices we make directly effect those we love. In life, before Christ especially, all people care about is themselves, what they want, getting what they want, and doing everything for their own personal gain and benefit. Even if on the outside someone appears to be a martyr type, chances are, they are still doing that for their own personal gain somehow or another.
But when we are in Christ, we have been set free from the world, our self, and sin, and now we do not live unto ourselves, but unto God! And this may be a life long process of it actually becoming a reality. Because here’s the thing, the Spirit gradually reveals these things to us, so that we gradually are being conformed to the image of Christ in a moral way (in character). So although the fact may be true that we are set free from serving our selves, it may still not be an actual reality in terms of our lives and relationships, and that is what the Lord would bring to our attention right now.
Valuing Our Marriage
Probably most would agree with me when I say that if our husbands are doing things that hurt us, it seems as though they have little respect for us or the marriage. We can conclude easily that they don’t really care about our marriage or us when they do things that hurt us.
This is true to some extent. It may not be that our husbands don’t care or love us necessarily, but rather, they don’t value the marriage or us to the point where they are refraining from doing what might hurt us.
But instead of focusing on our husbands (because we can’t change them), let’s focus on US and what WE can do to show them we do value them and our marriage.
When we make our choices day to day, are we considering how it will impact or effect our marriage and husbands?
Specifically, here are some ways we can show our husbands that we actually do value him and our marriage:
- By not purposefully doing something we know he will not be happy about
- By listening to him when he asks us to do something
- By refraining from doing the things that will truly bother him and make him withdraw from us
- By planning ahead and making sure that there is dinner ready, etc. (if you do that type of thing)
- By being careful to keep up with any errands or daily chores (laundry, etc.), if you stay home and do that type of stuff for him and the family
- By not going behind his back and trying to do something that will cause hurt or harm if he were to find out
- By keeping your word and being a woman of integrity so as to keep his trust and not lose it
- By being open and honest with him about how you feel and different things so as to be genuine and not fake about anything
What is really at stake is our husband’s trust when we do any number of things.
When a spouse truly values the marriage and person, they will be careful not to do things carelessly that will possibly cause them personal harm or hurt, which will most likely result in losing that spouse’s trust.
If our spouse can’t trust us, it is very hard to have any true connection with them because they will always be questioning our motives or will suspect us of doing things we might not have even done. There becomes a wall between us and things get more complicated really fast.
So what is the point? The point is that, we should think about whether we are truly being careful so as to refrain from doing something that might cause hurt or harm to our husband and the marriage!
Valuing Other Relationships
This applies to every other type of relationship: with children, co-workers, bosses, friends, family, etc. Anyone that we care about this would apply to. If we want our children and bosses and close family and friends to trust us, and to have true connection with them, then we have to be careful that we do what we say we will do, and refrain from doing things that would directly harm or hurt the person or our relationship with them. But most important, we have to guard what we do so as to keep their trust. If we lose a bosses trust, then we are definitely going to have a harder time there. If we lose our kid’s trust, we will also have a very hard time with them.
Losing a kids trust is probably worse than them all. What harm that does when our own child feels they can’t trust us! That is like top notch betrayal to them! How will they seek to listen to us and learn from us if they don’t even trust us?
These are all important things to think about! And I pray that we might all seek the Lord about it and seek to keep our word and be mindful of those in our lives so as to seek their benefit and gain, and to keep trust in tact! Even if our husband or another person does things that hurt us and lose our trust for them, we can still keep our side and be a woman of integrity!