“If It Were Me, I would……..”—-Words That Kill!

“If It Were Me, I would……..”—-Words That Kill!


Wow! So I just realized that after all the Lord has shown me, I am still being unintentionally disrespectful to my husband. Since we have been home together now for weeks, I have had plenty of opportunities to see whether I have learned anything or not in how I interact with him. Though there have been some noticeable improvements, I still see a ton of failures.

One thing I totally would have NEVER guessed as being disrespectful is saying to my husband,

“If that was me, I would do……..”

To me, I am just telling him how I would do something if I were in his situation or position. I even safeguarded everything by letting him know that what I was about to tell him was just how I would do something, and I’m not telling him what to do. (I thought that was respectful!) I thought because I was clearly just giving him my own opinion and sharing with him what I would personally do in his situation, that it was ok and rather helpful. I even asked him before safeguarding if he wanted to know what I would do if it was me in the situation! Oh, Lord!

What’s Wrong?

Well, apparently this is just another way of trying to control him and comes off as really disrespectful.

  • He didn’t ask for my opinion or input
  • He didn’t ask what I would do if it was me in the situation
  • He didn’t need my input
  • He didn’t want my input

Even to me, it seems wrong that a wife can’t even share with her husband what she would do in a situation. Isn’t that what friends talk about?

Why is it the end of all closeness in marriage when a wife let’s him know what she would do in a situation??

Women don’t seem to get offended when you tell them what you would do in a situation that they are in. I would never get mad if a girl friend told me what she would personally do in a situation I was facing. I would actually like to know what others would do in my situation, and when I hear it, I would consider it for sure if they were someone I trusted and someone I knew who was united with Christ inwardly and who seeks God. Even if the girl friend wasn’t like that, I still would not get mad that she offered what she would do in a situation!

I’ve even seen my husband not get mad when a male friend of his came right out and told him what he should do in a sticky situation. He didn’t get mad at all. He took it into consideration and that was that.

What is it about the wife that the husband doesn’t want to hear what they would do? 

It has to be the past.

If the husband has been really disrespected and if the wife has tried to control him even unawares for a long time, he will not be open to hearing anything from the wife in terms of how he should live his life. Even if it involves her! That is scary for a wife. And it is rather hurtful. It can even feel like he doesn’t care about you.

Men Rebel!

If I keep unknowingly disrespecting him and saying anything about anything he is doing or is going to do, he will rebel and purposefully do what I don’t think he should do in any situation! Whether he is right or wrong for doing such a thing, it is reality in this situation.

It is his way of saying he will not be controlled or mothered by his wife. 

When he takes action against what you want him to do, he is speaking loud and clear that he is not bowing down to you or your control. He is rebelling against you!

Why Does That Sound Bad To Wives?

I think if the husband has spoken loud and clear in the past by taking actions against the wife’s attempts to control and it brought trouble and hardship due to his choices that it is easy for the wife to think she knows better than the husband and that he is going to make a mistake again if he doesn’t listen to her. It is really easy to be prideful when your husband makes mistakes. It is easy to think you know better than him because if only he had listened to you that time, things wouldn’t have happened like they did, things would have been fine had he listened.

This might be true, but at the end of the day, God is still in control, and if it takes your husband to make mistakes for God to teach him lessons in life, and it takes a husband to keep rebelling against a wife who is either knowingly or unknowingly trying to control him to get the wife’s attention that things need to change on her end, then it was worth it.

In this situation, lets let the Cross be applied to our hearts and minds and let go of being “right”, and let us seek to only speak what is springing from the Life of Christ within us, not from our own minds. There is power in our words and the words, “If it were me, I would……” can often be words that kill our connection and closeness with our husbands!



Letting Go

Surrendering to His Will

When You Let Things Affect You

” I Say I Trust God, But Then I Freak Out When Things Don’t Go My Way.”

When Your Husband Says, “I don’t need you to tell me what to do”


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