I really feel that the Lord wants to use my foolish choices and what I learned from them to help other women NOT make the same foolish choices! I believe that this 3 month job experience I had this season will be used just for that purpose, and now I can be thankful that the Lord allowed me to do it, even though it was foolish, and led to my own misery and even straying from the Lord for a time! He really can use ALL THINGS for the good!
(Note — I am not really referring to women in this post who are older, and whose kids are all grown and out of the house, or whose husband is physically unable to work anymore, etc. This post is towards young, married-with-children wives.)
Men Are NOT Women!
I really believed that if I “took one for the team” and got a job while my husband was laid off for the winter, then he would be so happy I was finally showing him that I do care about him in this particular way.
And I truly believed that he would show me the same love and care that I show him when he is working.
I expected him to:
- welcome me home with a huge smile and hug at the door!
- have the house spotlessly clean and in order when I got home
- have my son showered and ready for bed or even in bed by the time I got home
- ask me how my day was and give me all his attention joyfully when I came home and on my days off
- do the laundry automatically and to actually “inside out” the clothes when putting them away
- vacuum every single day
- have dinner prepared for me with a smile and ready to serve me it when I walked through the door
- feel so bad for me that I had to go out into the world and work while he sat on the couch
- keep up with the grocery list and shopping
Basically, I expected him to be ME! A woman!
The tipping point for me was when my husband let me know one day towards the end of my job experience that he was out of soap and needed some more!
It turns out, my husband (and most men) have no desire to keep an organized, very clean household. They don’t care about dust bunnies and crumbs! They don’t worry about inside outing the clothes! They don’t think making the bed matters one bit! Their last thought is about cooking and serving US dinner! They have other things to worry about, and that is the way God designed it, and the way it should be!
Husbands don’t really care that we are working too AND doing all the house stuff! They have a one thing at a time mind — and if they worked all day — that is it for them. They have no inclination internally to then devote the rest of their day/time on the house.
When they get home, they expect to receive the service, not give it.
And this actually is not WRONG ladies!
The only reason it is wrong to us is when we are working too or if we are the only one working at the moment and our husbands automatically think that it is not their job to do anything at home or with the kids. After all, they just worked all day!
But what about when the wife is working all day and then coming home and doing everything else too? Or when she has a day off and is doing everything she didn’t have time to do on all the other days she is working!?
This is when resentment, bitterness, and anger take over and it becomes impossible to live in the way God ordained for us as women to live in marriage and home life!
We assume that men will just instinctively know how to be a wife & mother!
But how ridiculous does that sound when you read it?! Why would any of us ever expect a MAN TO BE A WOMAN!?
Men Are The Stronger Ones
When I was waiting for God to send one of His real sons into my life to marry me, I knew he would be the one from God if he was a real man, a strong man, a man who was responsible, courageous, and willing to be in charge and willing to protect me!
- Is it any wonder that men are literally physically bigger and stronger than us?
- Is it any wonder that they are able to handle the more difficult situations in life in a more calm and stable manner than we are?
- Is it any wonder that men are willing to stand their ground and fight for what is right without being intimidated and running away scared?
These are obvious things — yet we don’t really know them when we stop and think about what we are expecting from our men!
We are expecting them to be like us! Loving, caring, hospitable, servant-hearted at home, etc. We expect them to want to keep a house clean and scrub bath tubs and vacuum all day long if we are the ones out there working for the money to provide for our family’s needs! But when you really sit and think about it —– it is OBVIOUS that God did not make them to care about what we as women care about instinctively!
Men Are So Different
Men are different than us — and that is why we need them ladies. Sure, we can “make it” on our own if we have our own job and daycare near by. But I’ve been there, done that as a single mom and it was another thing added to the “doesn’t satisfy” list in my life! If anything, I felt completely gipped that I had to do all that because my son’s father left me from the beginning! And I begged God for one of His sons to come into our lives so that I could live out what I knew in my heart was His true will for me — which was to be at home, caring for my son, and caring for a husband who is providing for me!
My husband is thankful to be able to come home to a clean house with his dinner on the table ready to be served by me to him after he has worked all day long! I have never once thought after he asked me to do something or get something for him, “Is he serious? He can get up and get it himself!” —– These words have never crossed my mind when I am in my proper place in this marriage and life together with him!
But when I was out working and he was home all day, the most bitter and resentful thoughts came into my mind whenever I had to do something for anyone but myself in this house!
Men are different —- they are not like us — they are stronger, able to endure the things we can’t! They have the ability to GLADLY provide for the family, while they are served at home by their wives. This is how God designed it to be — and if we try to go against this way — all we have waiting is a bunch of bitterness, resentment, and anger!
Let’s focus on the OBVIOUS things we don’t really know, and maybe we will actually find more and more joy and delight in doing what God has purposed for us to do!!! 🙂