This is the third post (first & second post) I’m doing in the series about things that have happened, and what they were allowed to happen for in terms of what the Lord wanted to teach and reveal about Himself. I am praying it might bless you if you have ever experienced them as well, or if you are going through them right now!
Marriage Failing In Some Degree
This lesson is an on-going one and it is a most valuable one indeed to any wife and marriage! When our marriages fall apart, are on the rock bottom of things, are not going or moving in the direction we want them to, when there is division, conflict, all types of miscommunication—-although the devil himself is behind a lot of these things in our marriages, the fact remains that the Lord sovereignly allows them when we belong to Him for His own purposes and reasons!
In my experience, my marriage has been the very largest ground that the Lord has used in revealing Himself, His purposes, and His ways to my heart through many mistakes and conflicts and trials and tests. When ever my husband was upset at me, or I was upset at him and things were beyond repair in ourselves, and when there were disagreements and feelings of loneliness and angry words spoken and hurtful actions taken by each, when things just seemed utterly hopeless and beyond reconciling—–that is when the meaning of things was sought and understood as to the why and what for.
So in thinking of all the hurts, all the pains, all the seeming sufferings, trials, tests, adversities that have went down in my marriage so far, I can see now that it was all for very specific reasons that we will see presently!
In Order That……
So in my experience, all of this rock bottom time in marriage was allowed in order that:
- I would seek the Lord to know Him more
- I would trust in the Lord
- I would learn submission
- I would learn how to respect men and authority
- I would be delivered from bondage
- Delivered from people pleasing
- Delivered from co-dependency
- I would put the Lord 1st in my heart and life
- I would come to know the power of His resurrection in my marriage
How this all played out was that I learned right from the time I got married that I was no longer in charge of my life and no longer able to tread along in my own way or ideas or paths because now I was under the authority of my husband. I immediately began seeking the Lord right after I got married because I wanted to know His will in it all and what He was purposing to do because it was a very fast wake up call that my marriage was NOT for me or what I wanted.
I can’t even count the foolish mistakes I made at first that led to so many unnecessary issues and conflicts! And when things seemed to hard to handle, I was forced into an unknown territory of trusting in the Lord in all of it because I couldn’t see or understand at the time what was going on. I came to know the Lord more personally and fully throughout this marriage so far as I felt more and more alone and unable to cope with what was happening. I was driven to the Lord and His word like so many other wives during this time and I truly found refuge and peace in Him and seeking Him alone.
And after 2 years, the heat was turned up and I was led to see by the Lord what it truly meant to submit to and respect my husband after He led me to April’s site www.peacefulwife.com. And then that began a whole new chapter of learning why all the trial and conflicts were allowed as I began to see that it was actually a lot in part due to my own ignorance and lack of spiritual discernment to see what submission and respect were really all about.
I learned about men in general and learned how to see my husband in a totally new light, and from there a lot of things, spiritual things started making sense as I was enabled to see past the natural realm into the spiritual meaning of the things.
And still yet more layers to be removed as I came to see how I had been in total bondage under fear of never being good enough or lovable or perfect, and how I was totally co-dependent in marriage, being totally effected by my husband’s moods, allowing them to be my moods. I learned how much I had placed my husband as the one I was seeking to please instead of Christ alone!
And as the Lord showed me all of these things, I had to wrestle with it all and in time I was able to let it all go in my heart and surrender to Christ as Lord and I was delivered from seeking to please my husband or anyone other than Christ and I was delivered out of that bondage of fear and I was no longer c0-dependent. I am able to be happy even if my husband is not! That is freedom!
And as these things came to light, the ultimate started coming to light which is having the Lord as #1 in my heart and life! This was the turning point for so much of what the Lord has shown me, when I saw that it was Him or it was my self, and one had to go because there is not room for two rulers over me! What a battle this is, though, and it is on-going! The Lord will allow us to hit bottom not just in marriage but in all areas of life in order that we see He must have NO competition for our hearts and lives and until we set Him up as Lord—He can not take us on to His will and purposes!
And then finally, here I stand, knowing the power of His resurrection in my marriage! He has raised it back to life in His power and is working in us both to will and to do of His good pleasure!!!!! PRAISE GOD!
Knowing that so many other wives are in this place of learning through hardship in marriage is actually good to know because it means the Lord is taking us all on the same path for His purposes to be accomplished. And I just want to say to any struggling wife that there are real lessons, real spiritual values in these hardships, things that the Lord is meaning for you to learn and grow from in Him, and if you are ready and willing to set aside your own mind and thoughts about what is happening, He will surely show you as you commit to His Spirit’s leading to lead you to all the truth and all that the Lord wants to show you in this hard time! Nothing is wasted when we are surrendering to the Lord and open to what He wants to teach us!!! This is the point of the hardship! It is in order to grow and learn of Him, and to be delivered from things you might not even know are an issue as of yet!
Seek Him, He will show you! He is faithful and True! 🙂