In this post, I want to make it clear from the start that this is strictly MY personal experience. My intention in sharing my experience is in order to give a real life picture to what actually happens if/when a Christian wife does go to work outside the home and what the actual effects are in terms of marriage/family. If you are seeking answers about whether you should go to work as a Christian wife/mom, then I pray my experience might paint a clear picture, and lead you to seek the Lord for what you should do in your own situation.
When I met my husband almost exactly 4 years ago to the day, I was a single mother, working a seasonal/full time job as a country club dining room manager. As a single mother, I obviously didn’t have the option of even staying home at all at the time, so there was no dilemma for me in choosing at the time what I needed to do. But over the course of about 6 months prior to meeting my husband, the Lord truly gave me a strong desire to want to be home to raise my son, who was 4 at the time. I started really hating going to work, and not having time at home with my son and to focus on the Lord, etc. The desire for marriage became strong at this time as well, and I continuously prayed about it and asked the Lord to lead me in the way He wanted me to go for His own will.
Though I had the faith to believe, I didn’t imagine in my wildest dreams that only half a year later I would be living what my heart so strongly desired all that time!
But it happened so soon.
One day I was a single mother working and taking care of myself and my son, and the next I was married, leaving my job, and moving to a whole new town to become a stay at home wife and mother!
It was so exciting to be experiencing what my heart truly longed for and so strongly desired!
My husband’s job demanded that I be home because he often moves with his job, and we had decided that it would be best for me to be home (which I wanted anyway) so that I could home school my son and move around with my husband wherever his job would take us.
I had no questions in my heart or mind when we agreed to this!
I believed whole-heartedly that it was God’s will and amazing providence over me to direct me in the way to go, which matched completely with my heart’s desires and longings!
3 Years Home
After getting married, I would embark on my 3 years at home as a stay at home wife/mom. I loved it! I turned my whole attention to learning how to cook and how to home school my son. I was already a clean-freak so that came most naturally to me in taking care of the house. I am organized (thank you Lord), so paying all the bills, keeping track of all our finances, and being responsible for the household was just as natural to me as any other inborn talent that others might be gifted with!
But the “high” of getting everything my heart so strongly desired came to a very sudden halt when things were no longer going my way or easy……
- My son refused to comply with me in any way, shape, or form. (As he had been used to being taken care of by everyone besides his own mother since I worked all the time)
- My new husband turned out to be the quiet, to himself guy he told me he was.
- I ended up insisting to my husband (who is not even remotely from where we lived at the time) that I pick the house we move into together and I landed us on one of the most dangerous streets in a very run down city. (I was so unbelievably ignorant and prideful)!
- I would spend months sitting in a house with all the shades closed (for fear of the obvious gang-like activity we were surrounded by).
So needless to say, staying at home didn’t quite turn out the way I thought it would right from the start. And although the house was in order financially, and in terms of organization, meals, etc. —- I learned the hard way it takes a lot more than doing the laundry to create a peaceful, secure, and loving home for my family!
Through The Years
We only spent 3 short months at that first house, and ended up moving 2 more times after that, before we landed where we currently have lived for the past 3 years. Thank the Lord! Though at the time it seemed like we were guessing what His will was, I see looking back that the Lord was leading us all along!
But throughout the past 3 years of being home, I had to learn so many things.
- I learned that I was not capable of homeschooling my son and that he needed special help (Praise God, my son is right where he should be for his age and all major issues have ceased!!!)
- I learned that I am naturally prideful, controlling, and disrespectful
- I learned that my husband wants a peaceful, happy, content wife, and not just a spotless house that is in order with wholesome meals every night. (Although he highly appreciates those things too).
It would take about 500 posts to explain all that I have been through in the past 3 years. But in summary, I will say that I knew absolutely nothing, I still have SO MUCH to learn, but the Lord has been faithful and has been teaching me and leading me all for His own purposes in and through all of it.
There were many many times through these past 3 years that I felt maybe I should get a job, because I felt like my husband wanted me to. He would make comments about how it is all on his shoulders and how my being at home didn’t quite equal out to him working so hard that he does at his job. But every time I sought maybe to work, it didn’t work out. It would be impossible for both of us to work unless we do after school care, babysitters, etc. And we just didn’t see the point. So usually, my husband would just see that it wasn’t going to work out and we would go back to the way it has been.
And then also when he gets laid off in his job periodically —- we would discuss it again, whether I should work in the meantime while he is laid off since he could watch my son, etc. But we would always conclude that it would be pointless for me to get a job just to have to quit it when he goes back to work. So again, we would move on and go back to the way it has always been.
A New Season
Well, after this past summer, the Lord truly had me in a place where I was surrendering to His will, experiencing His peace and joy, and open to whatever He might want me to do. So when my husband got laid off, I had a strong feeling that I should seek a job. My husband agreed, and I took that as confirmation from the Lord as His will since we are to submit to our husbands.
Well I was pretty surprised when I got called for an interview and hired. I was actually pretty upset about it. This told me immediately how much I truly WASN’T surrendered to the will of God like I thought I was! I literally kicked and screamed to myself and out loud sometimes about how much I didn’t want to actually go to work!!!!! I truly never thought I would work again!!!
But there was this strong sense inside of me that this is what the Lord wanted.
So I did it.
Because of the length of my story, I’ve split it up into two parts, and tomorrow, will be sharing what happened when I went back to work in terms of my marriage and family and my life in general so that it might give a clear picture to any who are seeking answers!! So be sure to check out part two! 🙂