Yesterday, I went over the background to my experience of being home for 3 years, so that today I can point out all that happened since going back to work as a wife/mom. Even if you haven’t read part one, this post will give a clear picture as to what happens when a wife/mom goes back to work! But remember, this is strictly my experience, and is intended to help any one who is truly seeking answers to bring their concerns to the Lord and seek Him for direction about their own situation!
What Happened When I went Back To Work
When my husband and I decided that it was obviously God’s will for me to work in this season while he is laid off, we talked about how if I go to work, then my husband would have to take care of my son by getting him up and ready and off to school in the mornings, and getting him fed and homework done when he got home and put to bed. My husband willingly offered to take care of the laundry, and any other household thing that needed to be done.
I ended up taking a waitressing job at a local restaurant. I told them I was available for any time to work and any day, since my husband is home and is able to take care of my son and the house stuff while I’m at work.
Here is what happened after I started working:
- I had to change my sleeping habits by staying up to about midnight and sleeping in until anywhere from 7-9 am. I used to wake up super early before my family to make sure I had time alone with the Lord each day, and was showered and ready for the day before my son even woke up and I had to get him off to school.
- I realized right away that the way I kept the house in order is NOT the way my husband does it. This lead me to continue to do all the house chores AND work a full time job. My husband will help when I ask him to and if I leave him a specific list of what to do. Even then, he doesn’t remember sometimes what I needed him to do, and I end up doing it myself when I get home or the next day.
- I am completely out of any share of taking care of my son. I sometimes don’t even see him because he leaves before I get up and he’s in bed by the time I get home sometimes when I work a double shift which is 1030 am-10 at night.
- I immediately started feeling like the “boss” of the house because I am the one working and doing everything, which led me to start treating my husband again disrespectfully.
- I turned into a complaining, wore out, miserable being.
- I have been extremely tried by the ungodliness in the workplace. There are few souls out there who share any type of moral beliefs and whom you can work peacefully with.
- I’ve become negative completely in my outlook, falling straight into the pit of despair as I continue to have to be around such ungodliness in the world.
- I’ve gotten close to NO time alone since working. There was one week my husband and son went away on trips to visit family, while I stayed home to work. It has been the only time of peace and aloneness I’ve had since going back to work.
- When I do see my son, he demands my time and attention and I feel anything but wanting to give it.
- I’ve become irritated and impatient so easily.
- I’ve looked at my husband as 100% unmanly and unloving to let me go into such an ungodly atmosphere.
- I’ve sometimes had to work 7 days in a row!!!!!!!! TALK ABOUT CRAZY.
- I’ve given into thoughts that I won’t even speak!
- I’ve had no time to cook for my family.
- I’ve had no time to do what I love to do (crochet, read, etc.)
- My time with the Lord in the morning is cut short by the limitations of my work schedule.
- On my days off that I do get, all I want to do is lay on the couch and I usually fall asleep!
- It has caused such a strain on my marriage as I’ve expected my husband to treat me with the same love and affection I always treated him when he was working full time. He is not a woman and doesn’t think like us, and isn’t naturally going to get up and give me a hug when I get home and ask how my day was and make me food and serve me like I serve him when he is working!!!!!
- I’ve felt like I had to “take over” completely in our life/marriage because obviously no one will do it except me!
- I’ve felt unappreciated, ignored, uncared for, and unnoticed!
- I’ve had no time to blog at all.
This is in a nutshell what I can recall has happened since I began working again.
What I’m Seeing Now
Throughout all the time I’ve been working, one thing has become clear that I feel the Lord was trying to do by allowing my life to be turned upside down.
He wanted me to see what my husband goes through.
And He wanted my husband to see what I have to deal with.
All of a sudden, we are acting how each other acted when the tables were turned.
- My husband sees clearly how negative, miserable, and ungodly he has become over the past 3 years of his working and neglecting the Lord and remaining steadfast in Him through it all.
- He sees how hard it is to be home, taking care of a hard-hearted child, with no family or friends around.
- He sees how I’ve had to put up with all his negativity while trying to create a peaceful home.
- And now I see that my husband NEEDS time alone when he is working and I am at home.
- He NEEDS time to himself, to get refreshed and spend time with the Lord.
- I see that he needs encouragement from a peaceful wife when he is working, not a needy, clingy, selfish woman who just wants what she wants from him no matter how wore out he is from working!
- I see that he needs to constantly be reminded what the word says about being around unbelievers and how we are to conduct ourselves in the world around us for His glory.
- He needs support, not someone who always demands from him.
It took me to work again to realize all these things.
My Encouragement & Warning
All in all, my experience has been anything but pleasant. I am now standing strongly against Christian wives/moms going back to work if they don’t have to or if their husband doesn’t want them to. But even if their husband wants them to, I highly suggest pointing out all the things that will happen if she does go back to work.
Men don’t think like us, and they don’t think ahead. They can’t see what we can see sometimes! I truly regret ever offering to get a job, but at the same time, I felt it was what the Lord wanted me to do, so I did it. I do see what He is trying to teach us in this season, but I still don’t like it!
I just want to be home again, taking care of my family in peace!
My husband wants to go back to work too. He is so done with being home! He never wants to do this again either he says! He is waiting for a job opportunity to open before he goes back and before I can leave the job!
God made women and men for different things in this life. When I was home, I never felt wrong for it, only guilty as my husband made it seem like I was some how using him or something by not working. But that was the farthest thing from my heart. I love being home and taking care of my family. I just didn’t realize what my husband needed, so the Lord used this season to show me first hand what my husband needs when he is working.
My son also needed time with a father figure. He has only known me now for the past 4 years of taking care of him by myself, and he truly needed a man in his life on a constant basis to get some of the rebellion and baby-ness out of him that I just couldn’t. So I am truly thankful for that. But look at the price I had to pay for it!
God’s way works best. He didn’t give us women the responsibility of having children if He didn’t intend for us to be the ones to raise them. He didn’t give us the ability to run a household so that we can go out and work and let a man who is not wired for these things to do it. It just doesn’t work when the wife/mom is the one working and the father home. So I pray that you might think twice before you decide to work! It won’t be easy!