Should We Be Independent In Marriage?

Should We Be Independent In Marriage?



The Divine thought behind the marriage relationship is that it will represent Christ and the Church—- the relationship of unconditional love and total surrender. Man is to love as Christ loves the Church, and woman is to submit to the husband as unto the Lord, representing the Church’s submission to Christ as Lord. When this plays out, it is a picture of Christ and it is beautiful!

It is beautiful, and most hated by satan. 

Look at the chain of events in the very beginning of creation:

  • Adam is formed in the image of God—as a representation of Christ
  • Eve is formed from Adam, so that she is bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh—- representing the Church which is also said to be bone of Christ’s bone, and flesh of His flesh
  • They are both given dominion over all the creatures to rule on the earth—representing Christ as Lord of Lords and the Church as His body in cosmic dominion with Him in His Throne
  • Satan comes appears after Adam and Eve are united in dominion, and comes to Eve—representing the Church—- and deceives her into acting out from her soul, INDEPENDENTLY FROM GOD.

This independent action is what I want to focus in on and talk about.

Satan was the first to rebel against God through INDEPENDENCE. He took a stand against God and decided he wanted to be ruler over himself, instead of God.

When satan came to deceive Eve, he got her to do exactly what he had done to God—- got her to take INDEPENDENT ACTION from God and His Lordship and His command not to eat that fruit.

There is a valuable lesson here for us to learn why it is imperative that we surrender all to Christ as Lord, but also submit to our husbands in “all things”, as the Word instructs us to!

Independence In Marriage

Contrary to what feminism and the world is teaching women these days, independence from our husbands is not what is best, according to the Lord. If we belong to the Lord, then His Word is what governs us, not this world or what other people think is best.

Ways that wives may be living independently from their husbands:

  • By not consulting him FIRST whenever making any decision that is considered important
  • By choosing to work outside the home even if their husband wants them to stay home
  • By keeping a separate bank account and viewing any money they make as “theirs”
  • By getting involved in a church that their husband does not wish to go to
  • By choosing to do what they want to do in life, answering to no one
  • By not supporting their husband through difficult times
  • By not consulting him about the children/disciplining them
  • By caring about THEMSELVES more than anyone/thing else
  • By putting their interests as more important than the marriage
  • By thinking they know best for the family and seeking to realize their way instead of taking the husband’s way
  • By not trusting their husband to lead and make decisions for them and the family’s best interests

Independence in marriage goes in the opposite direction of submitting to your husband!

In the same way, when we are not surrendered FULLY to Christ as Lord of our lives, we also will live in a self-centered way, not trusting anyone except ourselves, and living as if everything is dependent on our own way or making things happen. But this is not the Lord’s mind about how we should live once we are born again! The Lord has a right to our lives, and when we give Him His rightful place as Lord, it is only then that we are able to grow into the fullness of Christ and do His will. When we live out from our self, we hinder God and we are on our own. We must become FULLY dependent on the Lord–for ALL things! That is His way! And when we realize this, it will bring such joy to our hearts—- and rest—-and peace—-knowing that the weight of the world is NOT on our shoulders!

In the same way, we are called as wives in our marriages to be dependent on our husbands in a similar way. We are not to lead, the husband is. We are to joyfully submit to their leadership. And when we do this, the weight of this world is also lifted from our shoulders because we realize that our husband was made to carry the load—not us! And when we follow God’s design for marriage, we portray the beautiful picture of Christ and the Church!

Independence Breeds ENMITY Against Husbands

Enmity is defined as: the state or feeling of being actively opposed or hostile to someone or something.

This is true in our relationship with Christ as well as our husbands! When humans are born, they are NATURALLY inclined to be independent from God because no one is born into this world initially with a spirit union with the Lord. We must be born again to become united in spirit again with God through Christ. And until we are united to God through Christ through the Holy Spirit, there is natural enmity against God. Because the sinful nature is rooted in Pride–which is essentially independence, which breeds enmity!

“Actively opposed”—— this is what we are when we are independent in marriage! We are actively opposing our husbands on every level! And I know what it feels like to be actively opposed to my husband! There is hostility! There is that enmity, and it is bred from independence—-a spirit of rebellion! Yikes! 🙁

Anyone living in their flesh is actively opposed to God. They are living for themselves, unto themselves. They are hostile towards the things of God. They have their own way of life, and they are lord of themselves.

It wouldn’t take much to see that this is true!


The Cross–The Answer

When the Lord died on the Cross, He made the ONLY way to be delivered from independence from God! He took on Himself the ENTIRE race of humans—-and when He was raised to life, we who are called a chosen were raised together with Him! And when we come into our union with Him and are born again, we are put back into right standing with God only by THE CROSS OF CHRIST! The Cross destroys the enmity between us and God! HALLELJUAH!

And once the Cross is a REALITY in us and our lives—– we will surrender all to the Lord as Lord—and He will govern us! Our purpose goes from pleasing self to pleasing and glorifying God! It is no longer about US, but about HIM and what He wants! We lose our right to ourselves, and we gain true rest in Christ!

In marriage, the cross works out as we submit to our husband instead of taking an independent way. 

As we trust in the Lord first as Lord of ALL, and we submit to our husbands, the enmity is gone, and we find rest, peace, and joy! We no longer try to realize our own lives—-we allow the Lord to work through our husbands in leading us and guiding us in His will for us and our family! We start to see that submitting to our husbands is the ONLY way marriage works, because that is how God designed it to function properly!

There is freedom in SURRENDER, not independence!



But, It’s Not That Bad!

When Is It My Turn?

Reacting To One Another On The Ground of Christ

Marriage: The Target of the Enemy

On Seeking God Alone For Answers

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