Stop Trying To Fix Your Marriage!

Stop Trying To Fix Your Marriage!

I have some amazing news for anyone who is in the middle of real anguish, confusion, and feeling like their marriage is just hopeless at this point! The Lord has exercised my own heart about all of those in the Body who are married to unbelievers, or to a man who is not going on with the Lord in spiritual growth because I feel and have seen that it is a major issue today. An issue that seems to never be answered even though there are countless blogs, conferences, sermons, Bible information, etc. about marriage, and how it is to be worked out.

If all those resources were of the Holy Spirit—then why is there still so much confusion today? Why are there so many believers who are married and can’t seem to come to a solution about their marriage that actually gets past the hopeless standstill that it is at?!

The Answer 

From the very moment that this humanity failed to live up to all that God intended it to be in Adam, He has placed the Cross over against that fallen thing because it no longer answered to it’s intended nature and purpose for which God had made it.

Marriage was created before the fall, and in creating Adam and Eve, God intended that relationship to show forth the relationship between Christ and His Church—the affectionate, loving relationship between Christ and His Church. It was intended to show forth the intended purpose of God ruling and reigning through a people who were totally dependent on Him. He gave them dominion over all the earth, provided they stay totally dependent on the Lord, and not try to live according to their own mind or ways.

But as we know, they chose knowledge without LIFE. They chose to eat of the fruit that God said No to, and they desired knowledge APART FROM TOTAL DEPENDENCE ON GOD. They wanted knowledge of good and evil so that they wouldn’t have to rely on God anymore. They were seduced into eating the fruit and acting out from their own soul (reason, judgment, desire). And by that decision of theirs, the soul of mankind became linked with satan and the evil powers behind this whole world! What belonged to God was stolen by satan through the soul of mankind.

And the moment this happened, we see the Lord coming in and cursing that whole race of man, along with ALL HE CREATED WITH IT, including MARRIAGE.

13 Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” And the woman said, “The serpent beguiled and deceived me, and I ate [from the forbidden tree].” 14 The Lord God said to the serpent,

“Because you have done this,
You are cursed more than all the cattle,
And more than any animal of the field;
On your belly you shall go,
And dust you shall eat
All the days of your life.
“And I will put enmity (open hostility)
Between you and the woman,
And between your seed (offspring) and her [e]Seed;
He shall [fatally] bruise your head,
And you shall [only] bruise His heel.”

16 To the woman He said,
“I will greatly multiply
Your pain in childbirth;
In pain you will give birth to children;
Yet your desire and longing will be for your husband,
And he will rule [with authority] over you and be responsible for you.”

17 Then to Adam the Lord God said, “Because you have listened [attentively] to the voice of your wife, and have eaten [fruit] from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’;

The ground is [now] under a curse because of you;
In sorrow and toil you shall eat [the fruit] of it
All the days of your life.
“Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you;
And you shall eat the plants of the field.
“By the sweat of your face
You will eat bread
Until you return to the ground,
For from it you were taken;
For you are dust,
And to dust you shall return.”

Genesis 3:13-19

God could not and would not accept that fallen state of mankind, and therefore He placed the CROSS over against what they had just done!

The Cross means death, travail, anguish—it is the opposite of LIFE. In the cursing from the Lord upon mankind after they ate that fruit, we see that he brought the Cross over Eve by saying that her pain will be increased in childbirth (in producing life), and that she will have desire and longing in marriage for the husband now, but he will rule over her! And then He curses the ground, meaning basically that Adam’s working and labor all his life now, will be for nothing because it can never produce eternal LIFE.

Everything in the creation was subjected to vanity (meaning it will NEVER produce or realize it’s intended purpose)! 

Marriage was among one of those created things that was subjected to VANITY by the CROSS coming in over against the fallen state of mankind! After the fall, marriage was brought to a state of death, meaning it can not realize it’s intended purpose now while two people are still in Adam (the flesh, apart from God, unregenerate).


The Cross is now standing over against any marriage that is not living up to it’s intended nature and purpose. These marriages that are mixed and impure because they are not wholly in Christ and according to Christ only lead to one thing: DESPAIR AND DEATH! These marriages are vain, never reaching their intended purposes while in Adam!

Whatever is impure, and not according to the mind of God is HOPELESS!


Here is the good news, so don’t worry!


Is this not going on in so many marriages right now?! The believer is coming to a point of despair, hopelessness, feeling as though there really is no hope for this marriage. They are confused, and they DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Believe it or not, THIS IS A SIGN OF GOD WORKING IN YOUR LIFE IF THIS IS YOU! He has brought the CROSS OF JESUS CHRIST into your life and marriage, which has led you to see the utter hopelessness of your marriage APART FROM CHRIST COMING IN! He is making it known that the world’s wisdom and all the things out there professing to be the answer are all VAIN, and that nothing that is of the natural mind of man will ever be the answer to something that is of God!

This is happening even in marriages with both believers! If they are not living up to the intended purpose of marriage, the Lord is also bringing in the Cross into these marriages, and making known to those involved how hopeless the marriage is unless the Lord does something.

Unless the Life of the RISEN LORD comes in and takes control of the two people and the marriage, IT IS HOPELESS!


If we belong to the Lord, then we have the GOD OF HOPE! And though the Cross is coming in to our lives and marriages like never before, and leading us to despair, confusion, and feeling as though we just do not know what to do—– IT IS ON PURPOSE! God WILL NOT ACCEPT anything that was created and intended for His purposes to go on without reaching it’s intended purpose. He will allow that thing to be frustrated, thwarted, and brought down to death in order to make known to those involved the complete and utter hopelessness of that thing ever reaching it’s intended purpose APART FROM THE RISEN LIFE OF THE LORD!

You can have EVERY bit of information and knowledge about marriage, what God intends, how to live a godly life and be a godly wife, what your husband should do and what needs to happen.

But without the RISEN LIFE of the Lord accompanying all that knowledge, IT IS LIFELESS KNOWLEDGE!

That is why all the gazillion information places and systems available are NOT ANSWERING the true problems of marriage today! Especially the whole psychology thing that has taken over so much of what is true! That whole realm of things is VAIN and does not produce ANYTHING FOR THE LORD!

The only thing that can produce WHAT THE LORD INTENDS is the RISEN LIFE OF CHRIST!!! 

That is the only hope friends!


Friends, it is going to be pointless and vain to try to fix our marriages anymore. If we are in the state of feeling like everything is hopeless, despairing of ever having a true answer for our marriage—then we are RIGHT WHERE GOD WANTS US!

He wants us to be right in this position, for Him to be able to bring in the ONLY ANSWER and the ONLY WAY, and the ONLY LIFE that will answer to this need we all have for our marriages ever becoming what the Lord intended.


Our God is the God of HOPE! And He will NEVER allow us to sit back and continue on in a state that does NOT answer to His full revelation! He has made known what is His mind about things, and it is not in OUR power to do this. We can’t fix our marriages on human wisdom and strength. We can’t do anything to reach God’s intended purposes in our lives!

So what are we to do!?

The Lord will have us to seek HIM— to bring this whole issue before Him in prayer—-and for us to TRULY BREAK! He needs us BROKEN, meaning that we TRULY REALIZE that we can do NOTHING to accomplish His purposes for us! We need to be broken before Him—-in total dependency upon HIM and HIS LIFE in us to do what only HE CAN DO in our lives and marriages, and in our husbands!

We can not change our husbands! We can’t even make our self change! 

God is revealing the only true HOPE for the situation—-and that is in His Son, in the Risen Life of Christ, in the power of His resurrection Life!

And I’ll be truthful in saying that unless you first let go of what YOU want and what YOUR purposes are for your marriage, you will never come to the true brokenness that God requires in order for you to truly know Him and the power of His resurrection Life in your own heart and marriage.

Unless you are willing to let go of what YOU wanted out of your marriage—you will remain in the state of total confusion, despair, and vanity in terms of your marriage.

He can’t introduce HOPE and NEW LIFE unless we are totally DEAD first!

The Lord Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life”. And that is the need for our marriages today! And Christ Jesus, in His risen Life, will be the ONLY HOPE and the ONLY WAY of true reconciliation in marriages, and for them to ever be brought to their intended purposes!

He is the very life of a marriage that answers to God’s intended purposes!


I pray that anyone who reads this will have eyes opened by the Holy Spirit to all that the Lord is saying here! I pray that we all might come to fully depend on the Risen Lord and His Life to answer to every need! I pray that we will see that the Lord DELIGHTS in LIFE! He is the GOD OF HOPE! He is the God of LIFE! He has a purpose for marriage, and if we are truly set on following Him and His will and His ways—-then we know that the Lord is in front of us and behind us in this issue, and that He wants our marriage to represent Christ more than we do! He delights in giving Life where there has been nothing but DEATH! He came in the form of man Himself to take on His own shoulders ALL THAT WE HAVE DONE WRONG in order to make the way for NEW LIFE IN HIM! If he is willing to do this—-is He not much more willing to raise a dead marriage to LIFE IN HIM?!

What a Testimony of His RISEN LIFE AND POWER if He can find those of us who are open and willing for Him to have His total place as Lord in our lives, who are willing to let go of all that is personal, in order that He might have the ground upon which He can come in with HIS LIFE in order to save what has been DEAD!

Is His arm shortened sisters?! Think again if you believe it is!


Lord help us to see this great truth and to answer to your call!


p.s—-One more note— in 1 Corinthians 7 we read that the unbelieving spouse is sanctified (set apart) in the believing spouse. Friends, if you are married to an unbeliever, your spouse is sanctified, meaning they are set apart for God and His purposes. And this is confirmed because as we just saw, the Lord can not accept anything impure or mixed! That is why Paul wrote to the saints in Corinth because they were wondering if now that they are believers and their spouse isn’t, should they stay with them? And Paul responds, obviously having gotten light by the Holy Spirit, in saying that the spouse is sanctified in the believing spouse, therefore if the unbeliever wants to stay with the believer, the believer should not leave that spouse. If they do want to leave, let them leave. But if they don’t want to leave and they are happy to dwell with you—- then they have already been sanctified, or set apart because they are married to you. That doesn’t mean they are saved because they are married to you—it just means that they are set apart unto God because they are married to you. You and your spouse are one in God’s eyes— and you as the believer are already set apart unto the Lord, and because your husband and you are joined as one flesh, he is also sanctified and set apart unto God and His purposes. This doesn’t mean that they will be godly or not hurt you or love you, it just means that the Lord doesn’t see your marriage as impure or mixed because the unbeliever has been sanctified by you being joined to the Lord. If you married an unbeliever while you were a believer, and you knew that it was wrong in God’s eyes—then that marriage is not pure. It is impure. I believe the believing spouse who did this can come to see that what they did was against the Lord’s mind, and can find forgiveness and repent, and the Lord can still work the impossible in that situation. But let us realize that the Lord will not accept mixture, therefore He takes it into His own hands, and sets the unbeliever apart for Himself because they are joined to you. Now, the Cross is still over any marriage that is not answering to His intended purposes—therefore He will allow all of us to reach rock bottom, until we realize that the ONLY HOPE is His RISEN LIFE!




Marriage: The Target of the Enemy

Lifting Marriage Onto Higher Ground

A Humanity That Can Never Be Glorified

Marriage Is A Divine Thought, Not A Means For Self-Gratification!

Can I Earn My Husband’s Salvation By Being A Perfect Wife?

“My Marriage Fell Apart In Order That…”

“I Become Weak In Order That….”

Giving The Lord His Rightful Place

The Reason You Are Going Through That Hard Thing





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