The # 1 Reason Women Become Discontent In Marriage

The # 1 Reason Women Become Discontent In Marriage

Omgosh—- how is it possible that something so simple is so hard to grasp and put into practice?

After just reading these words, “A self-centered life is always a discontented life”, my eyes have opened up once again to this basic truth that, whenever we are focused on our self, what we want, what we are not getting in marriage or life, whenever we are constantly just occupied with our self in a positive or negative way, that is when we are most discontent. And that is TRUE!

I am most prone to this, so don’t feel bad if you know what I’m talking about. This alone is the biggest battle of our spiritual life and growth throughout our whole journey and will most likely never be fully removed until the end of all things. So don’t lose heart, we are learning and growing.

It may very well be the cause and reason for all the trouble and hard feelings you are facing right now about your marriage or anything in life.


Without even realizing it, we can slip into a mindset that is focused on our self.

We can blindly start focusing on:

  • what we want that we aren’t getting
  • our rights in our marriage
  • our needs that are not being met
  • our inability to be perfect
  • what the Lord is not giving us

And when this happens, we slowly start to fade into serious discontentment without even realizing it. It happens so subtly. And that is why this MUST be said and addressed, if it might perhaps help even just one person to come into the light and escape from the self-inflicted prison of discontentment!

How fast we can turn our focus onto what our husband is not doing for us, not giving us.

  • We will start thinking about how much attention he is NOT giving us
  • We start focusing on how much he does NOT give physical affection
  • We start thinking about how much he takes us for granted
  • We start thinking and focusing on how unhappy we are because of what he is not doing for us that we rightfully deserve!

And then, when we have fallen into this mindset, before we even know it, we are SO BITTER! We start sneering and jickering at him when we see him on the computer/phone/hobby. We start cutting him down in our mind and talking to ourselves about how much he doesn’t care about us.

And then we give him ‘space’, thinking he will notice we are not paying attention to him, and that he will come back to us.

But he doesn’t and he only continues more and more to ignore, be un-affectionate, etc. The more you give him space the more he takes advantage of it.

Then, it seems as though he is PURPOSEFULLY doing this! And that’s when the lies start flooding in!

The enemy comes in with these lies:

  • he doesn’t even care if you are alive
  • he doesn’t love you
  • he doesn’t want to be with you or around you
  • he cares more about X,Y,Z
  • he wants to do whatever he wants and doesn’t care what you want
  • he doesn’t care that you need to be loved in a certain way

Oh! And then it is really on, and the resentment kicks up to full speed, and the next thing you know, you are screaming accusations at him and he has NO IDEA why!

The next thing he knows is that you are raging mad and attacking him from apparently no where (in his mind) and that is when you are labeled crazy and hateful!


At this point, the enemy hits us with the biggest blow of all—– that we are utterly vile and we are a huge sinner because we got angry and yelled at our husband or whatever we did, and now we are totally unpardonable in God’s eyes because we’ve done it again and we are not supposed to do that if we are truly born again.

Now the devil has us right where he wants us—- TOTALLY CRIPPLED, ARRESTED! We become paralyzed with doubt, fear, self-pity, self-awareness, self-focus, SELF, SELF SELF.

The self has overcome and has taken over now.

And now, in our self, we determine that we are NEVER going to mess up again, and we set off on an impossible course of strain, striving, and struggle to wrestle with and overcome this and that, and whatever we shouldn’t do.

And we start drifting farther and farther and farther away from the simple truth that in CHRIST ALONE our debt is paid and we are literally unable to secure salvation, spiritual growth, or even faith for that matter.


At this point, friends, it is critical and our response will determine which way we are going to go. If you are seeing anything right now, and find yourself at this critical point, please hear what the Spirit is saying!

The only way we will ever be free from that strain and struggle and bondage to the enemy in our weaknesses and sinfulness and all the other is by walking in the SPIRIT!

We have to purposefully side with the Spirit of God dwelling in us when He says that in us is NO GOOD THING, and that the only WAY, TRUTH, AND LIFE is in CHRIST JESUS OUR LORD!

And then we must take account of what happened here—– and realize that it all started with focusing on our SELF and what WE WANTED and what WE DIDN’T HAVE.



Friends! Don’t let this go on any longer than it has to—– settle it once and for all that we are NOT HERE TO LIVE FOR OUR SELF and all it’s desires and wants and rights! If we are truly born again, then we are here to live FOR GOD and BY GOD alone! And there is now no place for those things that the self wants. Self is ruled out in the Cross of Christ, and now it is ‘No longer I, but Christ’!

And when we are truly focusing on the One and Only Lord of all things, we will not be focused on our self. We will be focused on how we can bless others, and how we can yield all that is of self-interest, for the building up of others.

Friends forgive me for striking the same cord over and over and over—but if I have not yet fully grasped it, then I must be faithful to continue to share this, until we all come to the unity of the Spirit in this matter!

If I am focusing on what my husband is NOT giving me, not doing for me, I truly become discontent in life and nothing is good enough for me anymore. I become bitter and resentful and I start attacking him out of no where because I feel as though he is doing it in purpose and I start believing the lies that he doesn’t love me or want to be around me.

I saw this truth about 3 months ago, and it revolutionized everything in my marriage and home for a while. What happened?

I started focusing on my self again, and where did it get me? NO WHERE except back into the hands of the enemy to be used to fulfill his disgusting purposes (destroy my marriage, the Testimony, etc.).


See, this is deeper than anything I’ve realized up to this point on this matter because now I see that, sure, it is easy to let go of our personal interests as long as our husband is responding positively to it!

When I first saw this great truth that in Christ we are dead to our self with all of its personal interests for life, my husband responded to it! He was very affectionate and thankful and we got along great!

But now that we have (un-expectantly) been home together going on 2 months, it is as though none of that ever existed and as if he now only sees my angry outbursts. And it become his justification and excuse as to why he can’t spend time with me and why he doesn’t want to be around me, etc.

Now I’m being tested as to whether my surrender to the Lord was real or not. Now that I’m not getting anything from my surrender, do I still care ONLY FOR THE LORD’S INTERESTS? Now is the test as to whether I really saw what the Lord was showing me or not.

And obviously I didn’t, because when things didn’t continue to stay positive here, I fell right back into focusing on my self and demanding my rights!

How Will I let Go Now?

If you follow my posts, you might see that I am writing about the same issue just from different angles (without even realizing it til now, HA!), and the reason is because I am literally sharing what I am going through and what the Lord is showing me, because I feel that it is extremely relevant to any wife who is struggling in their marriage to let go of what ever they are not getting from their husband. I am right there with you!

It’s not easy or desirable to let go of what we want. But that is just where the fact lies—– do we truly care ONLY for the Lord’s interests? Or do we have a personal interest here that is dominating EVERYTHING as far as our marriage, conduct, attitude, thoughts, and behavior are concerned?

Friends, we can’t call the Lord, ‘Lord’ if He is not going to have ALL OF us. And what that means is that if He is to be Lord, then what we say, do, and think is governed not by our own interests in any matter, but by the LORD’S interests. What HE desires. What He is purposing in the situation to happen.

And this is where we are truly EXAMINED and tested as to where we truly stand in relation to the Lord. Is he going to be ALL? or are we going to hold out and try to keep for ourselves what we want and have our own desires and interests realized?

This is hard. But we have to decide if whether or not the Lord is going to have ALL of us, not just have us when things are going good and how we want them to go. Is he going to be Lord over our attitude, thoughts, actions, and words? Or are we going to assert ourselves in matters that are not going according to our plan? Are we going to let go of the things that are fighting for the place of the Lord in our heart? Or will we hold on because we are unwilling to forsake all to follow Him?

Look past your husband right now and all his faults, all his selfishness, and see how the Lord is using this situation to bring you to a renewed mind and a new spiritual position in Him. Do you see it sister? He is calling you and me in this matter to a new position, where we are at rest, and at liberty in Christ to follow Him, and able and willing to lay down ALL things, in order for the Lord to be our number one priority. His glory, His interests for this marriage, are to have first place, not our interests and what we want in our marriage.

The Lord is after a people who walk not after the flesh, but the Spirit. A people who do not turn back to Egypt when times are hard. A people who give up all in order to gain Christ! A people who are governed by His Spirit and His Word, and who hold the Lord in His rightful place as # 1!

I know that I must yield and let go of what I want. I have to accept that even if my husband isn’t doing what I want when I am surrendered to the Lord and His purposes, that my interests are still ruled out, and it is all about the Lord and what He wants!

That is where I must stand. If I don’t step out on this, I will become paralyzed, arrested, and unable to grow and continue on with the Lord unto the fulness of Christ. I hope you’ll join me. 🙂



But, I Feel So Hurt!

Deciding To Be Thankful, Even When I Don’t Get What I Want

Dealing With A Husband Who Doesn’t Comfort You In Sadness

The Key To Intimacy In Marriage: Accepting Your Man, As Is

“I Hate Being Naggy, Resentful, and Miserable All The Time.”

What Marriage Is Really All About!

How Much Of Christ Is In Your Marriage?

” I Say I Trust God, But Then I Freak Out When Things Don’t Go My Way.”

When You Feel Like Everything You Do Is Unnoticed

Becoming The Wife He Needs!

The Power Of Not Assuming Things!

“I Want To Be Close To Christ, But I’m Too Sinful.”

Are You Discouraged? Depressed? At Your Wit’s End?








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2 thoughts on “The # 1 Reason Women Become Discontent In Marriage

    1. Kate,

      I am so glad this blessed you! I pray the Lord will continue to open our eyes to all that He is doing in us for His glory! 🙂

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