Friends, what I am sharing is not something I studied and now I’m going to write something about what I studied about. This is my life. Actual real life experiences that the Lord allows me to go through in order to be able to share that compassion, that grace, that He has shown me in these times to any who are in the same boat! What the Lord has done is powerful and it proves His faithfulness to keep His own in reality, and not living in a false reality where we think everything is fine when it is not. He is constantly bringing us through things in order grow the roots deeper down into Christ so that when stronger winds blow, we are planted all the more deeply in Him and are able to withstand it!
If you are in a time where you are continually stumbling in your marriage, and feel as though you are just defeated in ever getting it right, and like the more you try the more it falls apart, then this comfort is here for you today! I pray we are open to hear the Lord speak to our hearts!
What Is Going On?
If we find ourselves growingly discontented, and constantly nit-picking at our husband and what he chooses to do with his own free time, and like we are constantly feeling empty, something is going on in our hearts. When we are more and more unhappy, unsatisfied because we feel like our husband is not giving us time and attention, and that he doesn’t want to be around us, and that he obviously doesn’t love us, let us realize that the devil has got a hold of our soul and is feeding us serious toxic poison!
If this is how we have been feeling lately and have acted on those feelings, leading to pressuring our husbands to try to make us happy and only causing more divisions, our heart is infected with bitterness!
We are becoming bitter!
That is what is going on when we feel empty, like we have no one, like our husbands don’t want us anymore!
How It Starts
Everything can be going great in our marriage, until one day, we forget that our husband is his own person and has his own will and choices to make, and when they go to do something that doesn’t involve us, we take it personally. Then we start thinking about how much they don’t spend any of their time with us, and we begin to fume inside our own minds and hearts. Before we know it, we are having full blown thoughts about how much they don’t love us, and how much we wish their thing they are doing would just disappear. When our husbands don’t see that we are obviously upset, we take it a step further and start accusing him of not loving us and not caring more about us than whatever they are choosing to do.
Our husband gets offended, and in the end, he is now possibly angry and bitter at us and therefore shuts down and ignores us even more and wants to actually not be around us!
How It Ends
When we forget, and allow those thoughts to come in and we entertain them and believe them, the devil gains more and more power in our souls and leads us to lose all control of ourselves! In the end, we are left feeling ashamed that we lost control of ourselves, feeling horrible, feeling like God has left us, despairing over ever getting it right. We are weakened, and we start to focus on our selves all over again and can’t seem to let go of our bitter feelings! The cycle continues until we wake up and see that we are actually ruining everything in our marriage and home life!
Have you ever been around a bitter person? Maybe they are bitter in general at life and so everything they say and do is just washed in bitterness. It is really repelling. It doesn’t matter who it is, whether an old person or a kid—-bitterness is just ugly and it repels people. It is EXTREMELY hard to have any type of relationship with a bitter person because all they do is focus on the negative and complain and seek revenge! How can we love someone who is bitter all the time? It is nearly impossible!
So if that is how we are being, without realizing it, is it any wonder that our husbands are finding it really difficult to love us and show affection and showing interest in being around us when we are like that?
How To Get Out
It is really hard to let go of the bitterness, just being real and honest. We feel entitled to our bitter feelings against our husbands. We feel justified in being bitter and treating them wrongly.
But the truth is, we can’t have the Spirit of God working in and through us AND be holding onto bitterness and living off of our own bitterness!
Bitterness is a work of the FLESH, which means that it is energized by SATAN! Therefore, the Spirit of God will not help us when we are holding onto bitterness, and that is why we have such a hard time during our bitterness. The Spirit of God is backing off, and waiting for us to realize what we are doing.
The way we truly get out of this bitterness trap is by TALKING ABOUT IT! Believe it or not, it seems that when we keep our inner battles and bitterness inside, it lasts a longgggg time. But the minute we actually talk about it with a trusted friend or family member, it’s as if the Light exposes it and it can no longer remain in control of us because we have let it out!
Once it is out in the light, we realize that it is the toxic poison that has been eating our life away and ruining our marriage, and we really see that it is imperative that we actually confess it to the Lord and then let it go!
Letting It Go
When we let it go, we also accept that our husband is allowed to be himself, and that we have no place trying to control his every move, and demanding that he do this that or the other thing with us. The reason he moved away from us in the first place was because we started getting bitter and accusing him.
If we had never had those thoughts to take over, everything would have remained fine!
It is like a law of marriage that when we accept our man as he is, don’t try to change him, and appreciate whatever he does do, he is drawn to us like a magnet and is much more loving, open to listening to us, and affectionate than when we are bitter and accusing him!When we follow this law in our marriage, there is peace and rest and joy in our hearts, there is compassion for our husbands, there is love.
Not surprisingly, this is also a law in our spiritual life. The law is letting go to God—-whenever we try to hold on and have things our way, the glory is covered in our hearts, we feel distant from God, and there is no peace and joy. But when we let go to God, and accept His will, there is peace, there is joy, there is nearness to God in Christ!
If this is you today, then just know I hear you! And it is hard! But until you let it out, talk about it, and let it go by God’s grace, there will be nothing but destruction and distance in your marriage! Don’t let the enemy have you for one more second to do his evil will! No bitterness is worth losing the presence of Christ in our hearts and destroying our marriage!
If you need to talk about it and have no one, please don’t hesitate to send me an email or comment! This is the most important thing to do sister!