I’m not sure why we as women are able to go off in a 100 directions in our minds assuming things, creating situations in our minds, and acting according to our assumptions!
Has any action based off assumptions ever ended well? For me, it hasn’t! 🙂
There is definitely something going on in our minds that I won’t pretend to understand when we start assuming things about our marriage, husband, and life that just are not really true. Sometimes we start assuming things based on what our husbands are saying/doing or not doing, and this is what I am focusing on right now.
When we assume things and act off of our assumptions that are based on what our husbands are or are not doing at the moment.
Example: When Your Husband Doesn’t talk To You Or Resists Conversation
It is easy to assume:
- There is a big problem in the marriage
- That he doesn’t want to be married to you
- That he doesn’t trust you to care about his feelings if he were to talk to you
- That he is mad at you
- That he is hiding something from you that might upset you
- That he is selfish and only cares about himself and not you
- That he is “punishing” you by withholding emotional connection
- That he is not satisfied with you
- That he lost interest in you
- That he has some deep fear of intimacy
When we assume things like this because our husband is either not in the mood to talk, or if he is just intro-verted in general and is not a big talker, or just came home from a long day of work—–this is dangerous! We are in a position to start basing our actions off of these FALSE assumptions and cause a whole lot of unnecessary havoc in our marriage!
It would be easy to react based off of these assumptions by:
- Becoming needy
- Criticizing his love for you
- Demanding he talk to you and be intimate
- Be overly upset all the time
- Become bitter/resentful towards him
- Withhold sex or doing anything special for him out of bitterness based off assumptions
But let’s look at this from HIS point of view.
He Is Different
He is just a man. Men are different. Most men are not really inclined to have deep conversations all the time. Most times, they are just stressed from work, and need some quiet time or time alone to recharge and refresh. The last thing they want to do is have a long conversation when that is just not what they do. It would actually be hard for some men to have the type of talks women have with other women. It would wear them out! They do not process emotions like we do, so it would be very difficult for them to have a “woman” conversation with us!
In his world, the marriage is FINE. His love for you HAS NOT CHANGED AT ALL!!!! So when he comes home and finds you all worked up, mad/sad, and starts hearing you accuse him of not loving you because he has not talked to you enough, he is going to go on the defensive IMMEDIATELY!
So picture this— the wife is all upset because she has ASSUMED that because he has not conversed with her really lately that he doesn’t love her or want to be with her anymore, and he comes home, and asks what’s wrong, and she is in bitterness/resentment mode, and is giving him the cold shoulder after he just worked ALL day long for her and the family.
Then he sees that she is miserable, and he leaves her alone even more, because in his world, that is the respectful thing to do! So when he does this, the wife gets even MORE upset, and starts an argument when she finds him watching tv or on the computer.
At this point, he is in defense mode and will most likely be angry and then the whole situation will escalade into a fight, leaving them BOTH upset and the husband even farther away from the wife in his heart…..
All because the wife assumed he didn’t care or love her because he didn’t converse with her lately.
Wow! This is really dangerous. Assuming things can lead us astray SO FAST!
POWER OF NOT ASSUMING THINGS
There is serious power in NOT assuming ANYTHING! The above example is just one situation where our assumptions can steer us in the wrong direction and lead to so many unnecessary issues! At some point, if this is the case for us, we need to rethink this, and realize that our husband is different, and that our mind is the problem, not him!
How much better would it be if we don’t assume anything, and focus on the fact that our husband is still coming home every night, and realize that just being in a good mood when he walks through the door will change the entire course of the night! What if we assume nothing, and trust in the Lord to work all things out in our marriage, and die to our own desires and ways and feelings, and stay rooted and grounded in the truth!
It really is a proven fact that our assumptions are WRONG most of the time!
My husband and I have been home together for 4 days, and during this time, we didn’t argue or anything. I’ve let him be himself and just focused on my own life and hobbies. Everything is so much better when I just accept him for who he is!
But after 4 days, I started wondering and ASSUMING that because he was not paying me more attention since he’s been around, that perhaps he is just not intersted in me anymore. Maybe he just doesn’t really care about me, and just wants to be left alone and not bother with me at all.
But I had in my mind the whole idea of just accepting him as he is, and not expecting anything.
So I did not let that get to me, and I definitely did not let it stew in my mind. I just focused on the Lord and my own life.
Well, here I was today, a little sad, but not mad, wondering why my husband didn’t want to talk to me at all.
I was about to scrub the oven when he realized I needed oven cleaner, and he offered to go get me some. I said, “THANKS!!!!” and smiled and that was that.
Well, it seemed he was taking a long time, so I wondered where he was.
The next thing I knew, He came home and when I came out of the back room, he was sitting at our table with a card he picked out for me and in it he said “Thank you for everything you do for me! I love you!”
Imagine if I had let those assumptions take over my mind over the past couple days?
I would not have been receiving that precious card from him if I had, trust me.
I pray you might seek the Lord to reveal what assumptions might be taking over your marriage and destroying it!!!!! 🙂