Friends, what I want to share is really what the Lord has done in me over the past 7 years. Please don’t mind that it is about “me”—- for it is really about the Lord and what He has done in me that I want anyone reading this to see. Don’t see me in it, see how the Lord has done what He has done—and realize that it is available to you too! Every so often, I like to think back on exactly what the Lord has shown me, to see what has TRULY stuck in me by His Spirit, what has truly become a part of me now in Christ, what I TRULY have learned and seen by the Lord Himself. I pray you might have your own experience explained by what I’m sharing today! 🙂
What He Has Done–ALL GLORY BE TO GOD
- It all started with that discontentment in my heart—of never having anything that truly satisfied.
- Then the Lord led me to Himself. I was sick of being “bad”. I couldn’t live with the guilt anymore. My life was falling apart! It was NOT working anymore.
- I knew I had to believe in Jesus, but had no idea what that meant.
- I did Bible studies, read books, and read more books. I could understand with my mind the things I read, but they were just words to me. They had no transforming effect on me or my life or my inner life.
- I started going to church, and spending more time alone with the Lord. I was shown grace by the Body of Christ.
- Slowly, I began to be able to hear the Lord in my own heart, telling me about certain things that needed to be changed. And I fought the battle, being confused because I never knew or was told that when Christ died, I died with Him in my own personal interests and life. I never knew that or understood it at all.
- Nothing made sense because I thought everything had to be done in my own power and strength. I thought I was responsible for changing and making the changes necessary in my own life in order to please God.
- I really believed it was all about a system of belief and because I believed, I had to change myself and not be “bad” anymore.
- Everything I read I did not understand it in a spiritual way, because I never knew it was all about a spiritual life in Christ.
- Even though I was not aware of the spiritual life, I was still being led by the Spirit inwardly, whether I recognized it to be the Spirit leading me or not.
- I was led to be Baptized—I openly declared that I was for God! But I didn’t know what Baptism REALLY meant— that I was proclaiming to all the earth and heaven and hell that I was dead to myself, and now alive unto God, and that from there on out—all my life was to be for and by God alone.
- Even though I didn’t know it’s meaning, it still worked out this way as the Spirit constrained me in many things from there on out. He did not let me go my own way, and He did not let me get away with sin.
- There was within me a new power source that was enabling me to let go of the things that were of my old man. And to this day, I will say it was ALL THE GRACE OF GOD, and nothing of my own doing! He did it in me.
- Then the Lord became more and more important to me, and I was more concerned about spending time with the Lord than anything else. My life was changing as I focused more and more on him.
- But the question of heart satisfaction, of knowing the Lord as my Bread of Life—-did not happen quite yet. Because even though I was concerned for the Lord and His things— I was still not satisfied in Him alone. I didn’t even know that could be a thing. I still went aside looking for satisfaction in other things that were of the old life every now and again.
- But that didn’t get me very far, and the Lord continually intervened in my life, and did not allow me to find satisfaction in ANYTHING, not even in my new husband.
- Getting married was the best thing that ever happened to me for my spiritual life, but at the beginning, it seemed like the worst.
- I know now that everything that has happened over the past 3 years was all in order to bring me to DESPERATION!
- I drew closer and closer to the Lord as I saw my sin magnified once I was married. Now, I was face to face with my own wretched self—and I spent the first 2 years striving to be better and good and godly in my own power and strength. That got me no where except really spiritually defeated. I was hopeless in myself.
- Thank the Lord, this was necessary for me to see, in order to truly be at the position in my heart for the Lord to reveal that HE ALONE is the answer to all that I was going through and facing!
- The Turning point in my spiritual life was when I stumbled across the book my mom borrowed from her fellowship library, it was randomly tucked into a little drawer in my old room at her house, and when I was visiting, I still to this day don’t know why I had the urge to turn and look in that little drawer and pull out that book—but the Lord was behind it, and it changed my life FOREVER! ALL GLORY TO GOD. The Book I found was one of T. Austin Sparks’ books full of a bunch of his writings that someone put together and printed.
- When I opened that book, and read, it was as if my eyes opened up so big I couldn’t believe it! I was seeing, reading the EXACT things that I was experiencing in my life with the Lord, and God was able to speak to me through that man’s words and experiences like never before.
- I went back home with that book and discovered a whole treasure chest of wisdom on the website that some of our family in Christ keeps up and running for all of us who wish to read his writings! I began digging into them and my eyes were starting to be opened by the Lord to CHRIST—who He is—-what He is—and I began to see that Christ was living in me!
- But it still did not do anything to transform me inwardly—I was still getting angry, still self-centered, still doing the same OLD things in my marriage and family life.
- My marriage was about over, when the Lord led me to Peacefulwife.com and through April’s story and wisdom, my eyes really opened this time, and I saw like NEVER BEFORE that the reason I was having such a miserable life and time and always defeated is because I was not only disrespectful, controlling, and fearful—I was trying to live from my own natural life and strength, and it was NOT producing ANYTHING for the Lord!
- After months of ups and downs, victories and defeats—- I was brought by the Lord Himself to see once and for all that, IN ME IS NO GOOD THING. And that I died with Christ, and I am no longer living in the flesh!
- And then I discovered by the illumination of the Holy Spirit that Christ alone is my satisfaction in my heart! He is the Bread of Life! And that is how this blog started! By me seeing that CHRIST is EVERYTHING in me and for me, and it is in Him alone that my heart finds true satisfaction!
- This was only the beginning. More trials and things, more realizations of how wretched I am in myself—desperation in marriage still—all led me to the place where the Lord showed me that BECAUSE I WAS DEAD IN CHRIST—- My personal interests are ALSO DEAD, and everything in my life–marriage, family, job, relationships—everything is now held in my hands for the LORD and HIS INTERESTS ALONE! It is no longer about ME, ME, ME, ME and what I want in life, marriage, family, relationships, etc. etc.
- When I saw this great truth by the Spirit inwardly, I was freed immediately from all the things I thought were my husband’s fault. I was freed from all the loneliness in marriage. I was free from everything I thought I needed in life in order to be ok and happy! FREEDOM!
- And then the Lord proceeded to bring these truths of the Cross home to my heart through different things.
- And once that was truly mastered in my heart—then the Lord led me to see that not only did I die with Christ, but my natural man also died in Him. At first, I didn’t know what this meant. But now I see, THANK GOD I SEE! I see now that, my “old man” in Adam died with all it’s “I” and “ME”, and also, the natural life in me, that is my SOUL–my reasoning, judgment, desire, abilities, strength—everything that I can do apart from the Lord’s life—-all that was ALSO put to the grave with Christ, and I had to see that I could no longer live according to that natural life, even though it has been consecrated to the Lord.
- Now I had to be dealt with by the Spirit, and be brought to weakness in myself. I had to experience over and over the futile attempts to do things in my natural strength and life, to come to the place where the Lord could show me what THIS LIFE IN CHRIST IS REALLY ALL ABOUT!
- He showed me that it is all about the SPIRIT, and living out from the SPIRIT of God in us—- and living a heavenly life while on earth.
- He began to show me what that means, and how it was to come about—which is by the Holy Spirit revealing Christ in our hearts progressively. That is how we grow spiritually–as we see the Lord and Who He is for us, and as we see Him, we begin to live by Him in faith (appealing to His Life within us).
- And then the Lord showed me that the reason this must be is because the Lord is after a humanity that is Christ. He has taken us out of all the nations to be a spiritual people–people who are led by the Holy Spirit—in order for CHRIST to be Expressed and represented by all of us who are living according to the Spirit indwelling us by faith.
- He showed me that the whole goal is to be conformed to the image of Christ!
- We are being transformed from one kind of man (Adam man) to another (Christ man).
- Yet—even though He opened my eyes and showed me these things, I still was DEFEATED a lot more than was necessary. I still lost my cool at times, I still was self-centered at times.
- And this was also necessary in order for the Lord to bring me to the place where I was able and desperate enough to see that the only way of true victory was going to be by living by the Life of Christ in me by faith. That simply means that when I wake up each day, I appeal in prayer to the Lord as dwelling within me, to rise up in His Life to be the life of my mind, body, and spirit—that what is seen is HIM and not AMANDA all day long. I start my day, consciously aware that I can not do anything in my self that will be for God or amount to anything with eternal value. I must live by faith in HIS LIFE IN ME to accomplish all that He is willing to do in and by me this day!
- He has been taking me deeper into this whole thing to see how that His Risen Life is the answer to all our need! No matter what the situation–HIS LIFE is the need, and the solution!
- He has also been showing me that there is a really dead system of christianity out there that is operating WITHOUT THE LIFE AND POWER OF GOD behind it all, and it is ALL in vain!
- If I go to fellowship, read my bible, pray for hours, but don’t know that everything has to be done in and by the Risen Life of Christ in me— then it is ALL FOR NOTHING and it will have NO INTERNAL effect in me to be transformed.
- The only way of true change and transformation is by the Holy Spirit becoming LORD over my entire being, and by faith, I live on Him and His Life in me.
- Everything else is vain unless the Holy Spirit is able to take what I am reading and make it a reality in my life!
- This is why the Pharisees could know the entire law, and yet be vile sinners and murder the LORD OF LORDS—because they had the “letter” without the RISEN LIFE OF CHRIST behind it!
- It can be the same thing today—we can have the whole Bible from A to Z and know everything it says, but unless we have the Risen Life of Christ dwelling in us as our SOVEREIGN Lord, it will all mean NOTHING, and have no effect upon us to change.
After all I’ve read— I have spent HOURS and HOURS on reading for the past 6 years since the Lord really called me out to Himself—- and see how vain and futile it all was. Nothing happened from it all. Nothing made true change in me.
It was ONLY when the HOLY SPIRIT had an OPEN WAY in me and opened my spiritual eyes to see something of Christ that created any progress or change in me!
It is impossible to change by reading and praying. It is impossible to do anything of eternal value unless the HOLY SPIRIT opens the eyes of our heart to see CHRIST in a NEW WAY, and we are truly transformed from within. It is only if the Holy Spirit opens our eyes that we ever change at all because unless we get the spiritual knowledge, we will have no changes. It has to be spiritual knowledge, and spiritual knowledge only comes from the SPIRIT to our spirit!
And I can assure you that as along as you have your eyes on YOURSELF, and what YOU WANT in life and marriage, etc.—you will never see anything. The Lord can do nothing with us while we are holding onto our OWN LIFE!
This is what has happened in me by the Lord–and it is available for anyone who is truly seeking the Lord, who wants to truly find victory over all the things in this world and life by faith in His Risen Life alone!
I am no better than anyone here—- I am actually probably more aware of how desperate and needy I am on the Lord than most people, and it is in my heart to share all that the Lord brings me through and reveals to me in hopes that some who are experiencing the same struggles will have eyes opened to what the Lord is trying to do in us by it! 🙂