“I Thought Things Were Going Great In My Marriage, What happened?”

“I Thought Things Were Going Great In My Marriage, What happened?”



Disaster. Total undoing of all the work of God. That is what this cursed self nature is capable of. It is capable of ruining relationships. It is capable of the most heinous crimes. It is capable of total disillusionment. It is capable of pretty much ANYTHING given the right circumstances.

It is negative to dwell upon the total vileness of the cursed self nature, but in this time, I want to make a point that hopefully sheds some light for any one who needs to see this.


If you have been on any kind of journey with the Lord in learning to become a godly wife, then I will assume you have experienced the ups and downs of that so far. Some days, weeks, or even months you may have been on a roll, not getting mad and not having any issues in your marriage. But then some how, some way, something happens, and you wake up one day and realize you are right where you started—miserable, lonely, mad at your husband, feeling bitter, resentful, and acting totally disrespectful towards him again.

What has happened?

SELF happened.

For whatever reason, perhaps in your glory days of having closeness with your husband, feeling like the battle has been won and conquered and that there is no more need to keep an eye on your own thoughts or behavior, you somehow fell, unknowingly, to the old way of thinking that your marriage is all about YOU and what YOU need or want. And somehow, you started demanding your rights to be treated a certain way, or demanding anything from your husband that he was not giving you. You forgot that doing this drives him away to shutdown mode!

What happened was, the burden was lifted off of you, and you no longer sensed your dire need for the Lord to take over and work in your heart and your marriage for His glory. You felt good in yourself and like you were doing everything “right”, and that’s why your marriage got better. You felt that you were able to make things work out and like you had the power to do everything right in order to make your husband love you again.

You felt that the changes you made were the reason your husband was treating you so much better.

But you were deceived. Deceived and blinded by your SELF. 

Self took over and became prideful in thoughts and your heart. You gave yourself the high five and pat on the back, and decided it was all because of you!


And while you gloried in yourself, you started focusing on yourself again, blindly, and you fell right back in to the old way with your husband, and he started moving away from you again, and issues started arising again, and demands were made, and words were said, and voices were raised. And a wedge was lodged between you and him, again.

And by the grace of God, you were led by Him to see that your heart was deceived!

Now all that is left is a feeling of shame and you are willing to do whatever it costs to make things right again with the Lord and your husband. You want to move forward, not backwards!



Be encouraged! The only way forward is to move backwards first!

Backwards to the CROSS OF CHRIST!

The Holy Spirit is always working back to the Cross in order to remind us that in ourselves, WE CAN DO NOTHING! The Lord Jesus took that cursed self nature onto His own shoulders, and forever dealt with it by His Cross and the shedding of His own blood!

And at the Cross, we see that the self with all its wants and demands has to be put away, and the only way forward is when we wholly surrender to the verdict made by God upon that cursed nature: DEATH!

A Righteous Man Falls Seven Times, But Always Gets Back Up

Like a child who is learning to ride a bike with no training wheels who totally depends on the parent at first to hold on to them on the bike and make sure they learn how to ride it before letting go, we have begun in total dependence upon the Lord for all things in learning the way of Christ. But like the child who is getting the hang of things and no longer needs the parent to hold on so tightly, we become more confident in the Lord as we move on. But like the child who becomes too confident and goes too fast and loses control of the bike and falls, we rush on in our own minds and ways and we let go of the handle bars, thinking we can control the bike (marriage) ourselves, and we FALL—-Face first into the concrete, and we bleed and hurt really bad, and we are left with a scar. 

After we run to our Father, and are shown where we went wrong, and we are healed, we try again, this time, not daring to take our hands off of the wheel, or being too sure of ourselves that we can do this in our own power or strength.

We remember how much it hurt last time when we fell, and we are more careful. But the lesson is never learned in one time. We forget over and over again that we can not control things just because we haven’t fallen off lately! We are still in as much need as when we first began to learn how to ride! And the only way we will be able to avoid all falling in the future is if we have experience. We have to experience different roads and different speeds and different ways in order to get through them without falling! We will fall the first time we go on a mountain bike trail, or an unfamiliar path. But once we get out on the other side of the way, we will have experienced it, and are able to go that way again without as much trouble or falling!

All that we have learned about Christ will be in the forefront of our minds as we go down each new road and way, and we will only make it through based off of what we have learned by experience in the past ways that the Lord has taken us and carried us through by His power, wisdom, and strength!

And although the scars we bear are ugly to see, and bring back bad memories, and are often shameful to bear, without them we will have never learned what it means to walk by the Spirit and not by the cursed self nature.

Thankfully, the Lord is faithful to finish what He has started in us.

So if you are feeling bad, trying to regain control, while continuing to fall each day and fail in being what the Lord wants you to be in your life and marriage (a representation of Christ), know that you won’t ever be like Christ in your self. The only way Christ will emanate from you is by His own Spirit dwelling in you. All you can do is accept that your self is dead, and stop trying to be like Christ yourself!

Let Christ be Christ in you, and depend totally on His Spirit in you to work in you to will and to do of His good pleasure.

Ever take your eyes off of yourself in marriage, and place them on Christ and the Cross, accepting your husband as he is right now, not expecting anything from him, and being thankful for what he does already do for you to show you he does love you and care about you. Let go of your rights, your offendedness, resentment, bitterness. Yield to the Lord and meekness, not holding onto anything that is causing strife and division in your marriage.

Learn with me that the only way things will ever be ok is if the Lord is Lord over us, and if we are ever looking onto Him and others, instead of our self.

Self is the destroyer of many. It is in the way of all the Lord is trying to do in us and our marriages.

Don’t let it have its way for another minute! Let it go! And let the peace of God rule in your heart and mind!



The Key To Intimacy In Marriage: Accepting Your Man, As Is

Deciding To Be Thankful, Even When I Don’t Get What I Want

But, I Feel So Hurt!

Let The Old Things Pass Away!

When You Feel Like Everything You Do Is Unnoticed

Becoming The Wife He Needs!

The Difference Between Showing Him Love & Showing Him Respect

Ways To Accept Him As He Is





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