Believe me when I tell you that I know what it’s like to have all the odds against me when I know that I need to respect my husband and love him,regardless of what he is doing in the marriage for me.
It is a lot harder to respect, trust and love our husbands as we should:
- When we feel hurt by any yelling, criticism, negative words hurled at us, especially in a scary, insensitive way
- When we do not feel safe to share our heart with them
- When they sin in any way
- When they come across as selfish and not doing things in our best interest
- When all we hear is criticism and nothing encouraging
- When they don’t talk to us but still want to connect physically
- When they don’t show any affection for days
- When they ignore us until they need something
- When we feel they are trying to force us to submit
- When they don’t spend time with us
- When we don’t feel loved or noticed
When we are feeling like we put a lot of effort into our marriage, and our husband doesn’t, it can be really challenging to keep the right mindset. It is so much easier to do the wrong thing when someone else is doing the wrong thing towards us.
All we see is their wrong thing, instead of keeping our own mind in check and focused on Christ.
Only as of lately has the Lord really been showing me that I can no longer have a selfish mindset for my marriage, and that my marriage is really for the LORD and not for anything I want or think I should have because I am married. It is no longer about me and my desires, it is about the Lord and what He wants to do in a through my marriage.
Sometimes it is really hard to get past the feeling that I am not getting what I want from my marriage. But the Holy Spirit in me is stronger than my self, and He will not allow me to go on in that mindset anymore! Praise God!
The Lord also keeps reminding me that when I am feeling unloved in my marriage, it does not give me an excuse to treat my husband wrongly.
Husbands Feel The Same Way
Surprisingly, husbands feel the same exact way we do when we feel like we are putting so much effort in and it is going completely unnoticed! Husbands generally feel that because they provide for the family and fix things around the house, that we automatically translate that into them loving us and showing us love by those things. Ironically, wives do not usually look at those things as being loving. Wives translate affection, time together, and talking as being shown love.
Do we see what is going on here? Wives see totally different things as love compared to husbands! That sounds like a recipe for disaster.
When I asked my husband why it is this way, he said something so true!
He said, “It’s obviously so that we can both learn how to sacrifice.”
Wow. That is so true! And that is exactly what the Lord is doing here. He has called us unto the fellowship of His Son, and of His sufferings.
The Lord does not get offended by our faults!
He paid the ultimate price, and He sacrificed everything in order to make the way unto the Father for us. He is our sacrifice! And the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Christ, therefore the Holy Spirit will bring us the same way that Christ went, which was a way of sacrificing all unto the glory and Honor of God!
In marriage, we are stretched beyond our capacity, so that we may be exercised and that Christ might be formed fully in us. He is making us a new creature in Christ!
A creature that:
- Does not get offended by our husbands faults
- Does not repay evil for evil
- Does not have selfish motives
- Does not have personal interests for marriage
- Does not hate when hated, but rather loves even when hated
- Does not stop at the first mile, but goes the extra one
- Does not speak wrongly of our husbands
- Does not withhold respect and love when we feel it is undeserved
We are being conformed to the image of Christ! And the way that Christ is formed in us is by us being emptied of our self! The self that wants all things for itself and its own benefits and advantages. The one who cares more about what it wants than what others need.
Let us seek God to have the measure of Christ increased in us, that we might be a different creature in this world unto the Glory and Honor of God!!! 🙂