(*****If you are experiencing pathological lying, adultery, and things of this nature—I am not sure what I am sharing will apply because those situations are obviously a lot more complicated and would require serious intervention to handle.)
Lying has the power to ruin an entire race of people. One lie that was accepted by Adam and Eve, forever ruined the human race. One lie.
Lying is a very serious topic in the Bible and the Lord has much to say about it.
A few examples,
- The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy. Proverbs 12:22
- You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. John 8:44
The Bible says that satan is the father of lies, and we see how he deceived Adam and Eve with ONE lie—capturing the entire human race through the sin of their souls.
In my experience, the proof I have found that the Holy Spirit is in me is when I even so much as fib to my son about what time it really is, I get a check in me that says “that was not true”! This is because the Spirit of God can not lie—and it is very instructive when we heed His still small voice in times like this, when we are so much as breaking off just a piece of the whole truth or exaggerating, etc. Jesus says that HE IS the TRUTH! And in Him is no lie. When He dwells in us by His Spirit, we are made to see what is true and what is false which divides between our spirit and our soul life in us. When we get that check in the spirit—- it is the Lord teaching us what is of HIM, and what is of OUR OWN SELF! Let us listen to this!
S0, as we can see, lying is capable of ENORMOUS consequences, so it is no surprise to us that when we find out our husband has lied about something, whether small or big, it will cause catastrophic damage to our marriages.
I am not trying to focus on what a husband did wrong, but rather, what WE can do in those times when we find out our man is human, after all.
What are the consequences of lying in marriage?
When finding out about something he lied about, the damage to the relationship is usually serious. Sometimes, husbands don’t lie to us, but we witness them lying to other people/strangers and we can start to wonder about if they are lying to us, too, about anything.
Some consequences may be:
- loss of trust in him
- insecurity about whether he is telling you the truth about ANYTHING
- fear about where he is/what he is doing/ what he is thinking and not telling you
- obsession with keeping tabs on him all the time
- snooping through phone/email/computer
- suspicion about everything he says/does
- accusations against him and doubting him
Being lied to about anything is very hurtful, and it is something that needs to be addressed, in a godly way. If we do not address is properly, we will stay stuck in the lost trust and insecurity which is sure to breed new issues and conflict in the marriage.
The most important thing about handling any hurtful situation is having a relationship with our Lord Jesus and walking in the Spirit at all times.
When we are walking in the Spirit, we will be more inclined to react to hurtful things in an appropriate way. If we are walking in carnality, we will most definitely react in hurtful ways ourselves. This will only result in more issues and conflict, bitterness, anger, and possibly division on all levels.
When we allow ourselves to give into the carnal man in us, the enemy has grounds to come in and wreck havoc in our lives, and it is a lot harder to fight off when we are in the heat of a conflict. The devil wants to divide us from our husbands in any way he can, and that is why we must WATCH & PRAY! And CLING to Christ–and seek Him above all things, so that we have His Presence at all times—-and when Christ is present—the enemy must flee!
How does one respond to being lied to and finding out about it, in a godly way?
From experience, I can tell you what NOT to do!
We probably shouldn’t:
- throw things at him
- lose all self-control and go off into a rage and start pushing and hitting him
- throw his phone against the wall
- threaten divorce
- scream and curse at him
- go off on a tirade about everything that is wrong with him
Even if this was the initial reaction, and it’s done and over with, let us seek to move forward and handle the situation in a godly way.
- remember that our husbands are human, too, and they will sin against us.
- try to realize WHO is behind this whole thing—the ENEMY—-and he is trying to lead your husband away, captive to his will.
- realize that when people lie, it is because they are AFRAID of being CAUGHT—-they don’t want to reveal something because they KNOW it is WRONG.
- perhaps ask what our husbands might be struggling with that would cause them to lie to us about something.
- realize they probably lied because they KNEW it would upset us, and they wanted to avoid a conflict, at all costs, whether what they did was right or wrong.
- talk to him about it, and let him know, respectfully, that him lying to you about X has made you lose trust in him.
- talk to him about how he might regain your trust (ex- “I need you to X, in order for me to start to build trust back for you).
- be honest about how this has effected you and your relationship with him.
- set boundaries that are appropriate for whatever the situation was (ex- if he lied about how much he charged on the credit card, and it is in YOUR name, you could request that he not have access to the credit card until trust has been regained) .
- surrender your marriage to the Lord and trust in Him above ALL things to protect you and to reveal any lies that your husband might be keeping behind your back–I’ve seen many people seek the Lord about showing them the truth about their husbands and the Lord was faithful to reveal the truth to them.
- if your husband has repented and has asked forgiveness, forgive him, and commit to rebuilding trust in the marriage again.
AN UNBELIEVING HUSBAND
But what if he is an unbeliever? Well, that might get a little trickier, because even if you bring up the issue, he might not see what he is doing as a problem at all, and he might not see to what degree it is effecting your marriage relationship and your trust in him as your husband. Even if he is not a believer, and he does love you and care about the marriage, I believe you might be able to tug on his moral strings—– all people have a sense of right and wrong—even unsaved people (usually). If he is sensitive to any kind of conscience, it would still be beneficial to address the issue.
When we are in Christ and walking after the Spirit—-the presence of God is manifested through us, and in the presence of God, sin is exposed. Wherever the presence of the Lord is, conviction will come, even if no word is said. That is how we can win our husbands over without a word—by presencing the Lord Jesus, and standing as a witness and a testimony to LIGHT! When He is there, the light shines, and exposes all the darkness around!