Not surprisingly, there can be many people who believe they are saved, but when the storms of life hit, they turn away from the Lord and do not continue in Him and His way because the going got too hard. Sometimes major disaster strikes and a person blames God for the losing of things they held so dear. Or maybe they haven’t truly seen the Cross of Christ and had a true revelation of Christ in the heart by the Spirit, so they have not had the right attitude towards the Lord and have fallen into the lie that they have to work for their salvation, and when they don’t make any progress, they give it all up and forget about the Lord because it seemed impossible to live up to His standards.
Whatever the case may be, when our husband gives up on God, we need to seriously think about how we proceed and approach that situation because we can definitely make it worse, not better!
Judging A Tree By It’s Fruit
I believe there to always be a time and a place for judging what claims to be of the Lord by it’s own fruit. Not in a sense to where we believe we know someone’s true heart condition, but where we honestly take what they say, and compare that to the fruit in their lives.
If when we married our husband, he claimed to be saved and living for the Lord, but in every area of life he denied knowing the Lord, that might have been a helpful red flag. But if we proceeded anyway and we are now married to him, and he is not interested in the Lord and has not had any progress whatsoever, or maybe he openly has declared that he no longer believes in God or has given it up—-then we need to take a step back and see what is going on here.
There may be some possible realities going on that answer to why this is the case with our husband that we will explore presently.
- He was never truly saved: One of the most obvious realities could be that he was never truly saved to begin with. Perhaps he was brought up in “church” or a christian home, and because of that, he just automatically believed what they believed, but never really experienced the Lord, and therefore was never truly born from above. Because he never had a true experience of the Lord in his heart by the Holy Spirit, he can not possibly have the Holy Spirit dwelling in him, and therefore, he will never be drawn to the Lord, or truly progressing in christ-likeness because these things are impossible without a true foundation and of receiving the Holy Spirit!
- He is born again but living in the natural life still: This means that, although he has truly been born from above and the Holy Spirit is dwelling in him, he is still living out from his natural mind, heart, and will, and therefore, the Holy Spirit is being hindered in his life, and he is unable to receive the things of the Spirit of God. This will account for a lot of spiritual stagnation, immaturity, and weakness in his life. (This type of issue is clearly laid out in the 1st letter to the Corinthians. They were born from above, yet living in their natural life, and that is what accounted for all the issues that are mentioned in that letter.)
- He is born again and seriously attacked by the enemy: This truly is something that has hit a lot of God’s people. There is this spiritual attack going on where the truth has been covered up, and a lie crept in to the Church. The lie is that unless we are perfect as to our outward living, and sinless, we are not truly saved! Whenever we mess up, we believe the enemy when he comes into our mind with accusations and we believe that we are not truly saved and therefore we are a hopeless case! When a husband is suffering from this attack, he will definitely show signs of depression, and of giving up on the Lord because he has given into the lie and therefore he is spiritually arrested and he has allowed the enemy to come between himself and the Lord!
- He has experienced so much suffering, he is tempted to give up on God: He may have been truly born from above and gone on with the Lord, but as he went on in life, he experienced many sufferings, losses, set backs, that he has come to a point where he has given up the fight, and has turned bitter against the Lord. He is holding onto his self in this instance, and is not willing to accept the Lord as LORD over ALL things. Equally, he may not have had a personal revelation of Christ in his heart and that would account for his lack of spiritual strength to get through all the sufferings and trials he has experienced to overcome them in spirit.
There may be many more reasons but we will focus on these as of now.
“Great Falling Away”
In 2 Thessalonians it talks about there being a great falling away before the anti-christ is revealed. Whatever explanations have been given on this, let us just say that in the most general sense, the falling away is going to be of all that merely professes to be of Christ, but what is not truly related to Him.
In this case of a husband not being truly born from above, time will have told whether his profession is real or not. If it were real, he would not be able to part with the Lord because when we are born from above, we are given the Holy Spirit to dwell in us, and because this is a living reality in those who are born again, the natural way we go after His indwelling is towards God and heaven.
Even if it takes our whole lifetime to take a few steps in His direction, any direction towards God is only by His Spirit working in our hearts to effect that.
The Bible says that no one can find out God by searching and that no one is drawn to the Son except the Father draw that person to Him.
This means that no matter how much someone is set on finding the Lord and being born from above, it is not possible UNLESS the LORD intervenes and does something in His own power and on His own initiative! He takes full responsibility for His own, and He knows who will respond with open heart to Him and who won’t. Nevertheless, His salvation in Christ is for ALL people, and is presented to ALL people, yet, in His sovereignty, He is aware of who will respond, and who will not.
We know that when the winds blow in our life, if we have not a true and solid foundation on Christ our Rock, our house falls to the ground and we are left desolate and alone, despairing of life!
Whatever has been just mere outward profession of the Lord will NOT stand up to the test of time and to the winds of adversity.
Many have been, will be, and are being shaken and those that are not truly in Christ are falling away, giving it up, and tossing it all aside, unto their own destruction.
How are we as a wife to approach such a situation?
First, if he is truly throwing God aside and done with Him and living in the flesh—let us safely assume he has never truly had an experience of the Lord, and then let us be faithful to the Word about how we are to conduct ourselves in the presence of the unsaved. Nagging, preaching, and lecturing a man who once proclaimed Christ but now has tossed it all aside will definitely NOT help. In this case, we have prayer and the power of Christ working in us to effect the work of the enemy in our home and marriages for God’s glory!
We must ask ourselves what is our true motive? Are we truly concerned for our husband’s salvation for no personal reason, and only so that the LORD will have His rightful place in our husband’s heart? Is that our only concern for our husband, or do we have personal gains in mind from our husband being truly born from above?
If we profess Christ, and our husband has given Christ up, and we act no different than they do—- that will only hinder the Lord in our lives and effectiveness in bringing Christ into our homes and the situation. We must first be rightly related to the Lord before we can set forth the true expression of Christ in our lives, and show forth the Spirit dwelling in us.
And then, let us truly come in line with God’s purposes in our husband’s life, and seek the Lord for the realization of His own purposes in their lives, leaving our hands off, and letting go of our husband in this sense unto the Lord and His sovereignty!
Truly Born Again Ones
In the case of a truly born again husband, let us seek to ONLY look on them as IN CHRIST—and literally shut our eyes to everything in them that is of their natural constitution. When we are in Christ, we are dead to our natural life and therefore, if we focus on the natural life in our husbands, we will be seriously judgmental and un-supportive and un-influential in their lives.
If a husband is born again but living out from his natural life, he may have never truly seen the Cross and what it means to our old life and our natural life, therefore, he can not grow spiritually, and he can not receive revelation of Christ in his heart by the Spirit if he is abiding in his natural mind and life. It is only when we are truly accepting the Cross as to our selves that the Spirit is open to revealing Christ to our hearts, and therefore actively conforming us to Christ!
If our husband is in this position, let us seek the Lord on his behalf, as our brother in the same family of God, that God’s purposes be revealed, and that our husband be led to a true experience of the Cross of Christ! Our God is the God of HOPE, and the God of LIGHT—therefore our God is concerned to have His people with opened eyes spiritually, so that He can deliver us from the bondage to this earth and the natural life!
What our husbands in this case need is NOT nagging or us trying to tell him anything, but rather, him to have a wife who knows how to influence him in a godly way, and who is encouraging and supportive of him to seek the Lord. There is great power in leaving our husbands in the hand of God. It will only happen in God’s timing, but as a witness, I can say that when we let go, and pray from a true genuine concern for the Lord to have His rightful place in our husband’s life, the Lord works upon that prayer, and He answers in His own time and way! It is a faith builder!
If a husband is born again but being attacked spiritually by the enemy, and our husband is giving into the lie that he is not really saved, let us have the utmost compassion for him! If we have never experienced this oursleves, then we will not understand and we will not be of much help to our husband. I have experienced this many times, and the Lord has brought me through it victoriously by His Spirit, and He has given me opportunities to share my experience with my husband when he has gone through this as well.
Any time a believer is believing the lie that they are not saved because they mess up and are not perfect, we MUST be faithful and remind them that our Lord died on the Cross and has FOREVER paid the price for our mistakes, and therefore there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus! Our husbands may be depressed over the fact that they can’t seem to attain unto perfection. What is needed is for them to truly see our Lord on the Cross and to accept that in ourselves, we will NEVER be good.
All our goodness is ONLY in Christ—and we can earn nothing. And that when we make mistakes, we immediately place it under the Blood and seek forgiveness from the Lord, and then we MOVE ON. It is never a good idea to remind ourselves of what was already dealt with by His Blood! The Lord made PERFECT provision for our sin, and therefore we have the answer to all the enemy’s attack upon us in this way. Let us be faithful in this situation to lovingly remind our husband that the Lord paid the price, and that our only hope is in HIM!
And finally, if a husband is truly born again, but has suffered greatly and is now harboring bitterness towards the Lord and giving up hope, let us also be faithful to pray for them. It is hard to watch our husband go through such things, we want to cheer him up, make him see the good in it all—–but it doesn’t work. We know how we felt when we lost our most precious dreams and desires, it wasn’t something anyone on earth could fix. It was only something the Lord could work out in our hearts unto peace.
That is why in this situation, we must be faithful to be a representation of Christ in His love and compassion towards our husbands who are going through such things. They need our listening ear, and our loving heart. They need our prayers and our faith in the Lord! If we have suffered too, how influential it might be for our husband’s to see us praising the Lord through trials, showing forth our faith and trust in the Lord! If we are down and out with them in all suffering, and bitter towards God—that will not help. We have to be rightly related to the Lord in order to influence our husband in love and compassion!
Let us be very sure about one thing: if our husband is truly born from above, the Lord will keep Him in line, and there is nothing that can happen that will tear our husband from the Lord’s hand. That is our hope when we see our husband going through these awful situations.
We can rest assured that, if he belongs to the Lord, then the Lord is not done with our husband yet, and He will see our husband through this present season of darkness!
Have you ever tried to run from the Lord and go back to your old way of life in any sense? Have you decided at one point that it was too impossible and determined to give it all up? How far did that get you? 🙂 You came back or never left because you just couldn’t. That is the mighty power of God in us!
So even if it appears that our husband has given up on the Lord, and is seeking his life in the old ways and things, let us rest assured that, if our husband belongs to the Lord, then the Spirit will not allow our husband to continue in that way for long, he will be made to feel miserable, and he will eventually cry out to the Lord in true repentance!
That is how it goes! The Lord is faithful even when our husbands are NOT. That is a fact. A solid truth. Nothing can separate us from our Lord when He has gotten ahold of us.
***Note: Even though this is true and that our hope is in the Lord here, if our husband utterly refuses to go on with the Lord, the Lord will let him go, to his own destruction. It can come about that the Lord calls our husband to a new adjustment in life, and if our husband just refuses to adjust to the Word of God in any way, he will be left to himself and his after state will be worse than before he was enlightened, the bible says. God forbid this be the case in our husbands life.
Let us hold to the hope that is in Christ, and let us get our motives right before the Lord in praying for our husbands! Those who put their trust in the Lord will NOT be put to shame, the Word says! 🙂